In a nutshell, the heart is a fickle compass.
According to Diana Wynne Jones, “A fickle heart is the only constant in this world.”
Her words might as well have been written during the three-hour ‘Bachelor’ finale.
Initially entranced by Peru, which is very dear to my heart, I loved watching Arie Luyendyk Jr. don llama hats with Becca Kufrin (27) and kiss Lauren Burnham (26) atop Machu Picchu.
Despite the "war going on inside" 36-year-old Bachelor, Arie finally came to a decision and proposed to Becca K. The simultaneous elation of Becca K. and the devastation of Lauren B. are expected by fans of the show. Yet, no one could anticipate what happened next.
Camera crews followed Arie and his fiancé, Becca K. on a weekend visit post-finale. Minutes after Becca K. gushes about her ring and their plans, Arie breaks off their engagement to pursue the other finalist, Lauren.
"The reality of it is that being with you, although it's been everything that I wanted, I still think about her...I thought that that heartbreak would go away and it just never did," Arie admitted.
Obviously, this news is soul-crushing to Becca K. To make matters worse, audiences find out that Lauren was already a reocurring issue in their relationship. Becca K. revealed that Arie was still "sorting out" his feelings for Lauren.
Arie wanted to move past his relationship with Lauren, but he admitted to “waking up and thinking of Lauren.” He reasoned that he shouldn't be "half in with somebody because [he was] thinking about someone else"...whoa, you think!
Even Becca K. noticed that he still liked Lauren’s pictures on Instagram which is so juvenile!
Throughout the show, Becca K. considered Lauren "a threat." During a personal interview, Becca K. tearfully said, "If I have to hear the name Lauren one more time then I will go crazy. It makes me want to puke thinking about them together. I hate talking about Lauren."
The sick irony is that he had made a commitment to choose Becca every day.
In subsequent interviews, Becca K. revealed that she spent four more days in L.A. mourning a future and a love that had been ripped away. She "grieved the loss of that relationship."
She was angry for a number of reasons and rightfully so. In her life, Becca K. only wanted one proposal and she values honesty immensely.
Of course, after being blindsided, Becca K. wants answers, but how will she even know if they are truthful?
And you wonder why we have trust issues?!
Indecision is a human condition, but a selfish one when it comes to relationships.
Oftentimes, indecision leads someone on and leads another to doubt.
Either way, indecision is destructive and also, the basic premise of ‘The Bachelor.’
One man or woman sifts through twenty-five or so prospective partners week after week. Once all the roses are handed out, many Bachelors and Bachelorettes wonder if they made the right choices.
The choices they make are then televised to a nationwide audience. An audience who evaluates their decisions as either poor or fair.
As the show airs, they can then watch back all their decisions; possibly agonizing over them on repeat.
Not exactly the ideal breeding ground for coming to terms and moving forward.
Whether in a car or a relationship, have you ever been blindsided?
I have.
Watching this finale, I identified with Becca on a personal level. Her shock, her pain, her embarrassment, her anger and her overall heartbreak are relatable.
Initially, you feel numb. Whatever words their mouth is saying does not compute.
How can their tone be so matter-of-fact? Does their heart feel nothing as their words shatters yours?
Then you cry, a lot. Maybe enough to warrant another Noah’s Ark.
Answers would be nice, but talking to them makes you want to puke.
Trying to diagnose what went wrong is an emotional rabbit-hole. More than likely, to some extent, they wanted what Arie wanted.
They just wanted to be with someone else.