My Quiet Rebellion From Myself

My Quiet Rebellion From Myself

I'm not some badass, I'm just ... me

I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I couldn't stand trying to conform to societal norms.

I couldn't stand withdrawing from opportunities out of fear.

I couldn't stand my lack of expression to avoid judgment.

And most of all

I couldn't stand living within this body as I felt my soul drifting farther and farther away from who I really am.

The words "rebel," "rebellion" and "rebellious" usually come with negative connotations. They are seen as a teen sneaking out of his or her house late at night, disrespecting his or her parents, or getting involved with drugs and alcohol far too early. However, I am here to change the connotations of these words, to prove that I, too, am a rebel living within my rebellious phase of rebellion.

I am not sneaking out of my house, disrespecting my parents, or trying hard drugs and putting my life at risk. What I am doing is putting everything I once knew on the line in order to better myself and the outcome of my life.

I am dropping all societal norms.

I am delving into opportunities and telling my fear to hit the high road.

I'm expressing myself and welcoming judgment.

And most of all

I am learning to live in this body while embracing the soul of my true being.

Growing up, I always said I wouldn't get a tattoo. I wouldn't get a tattoo because it would hurt, because people might look, because people might talk.

Society said no.

My fear said no.

The avoidance of judgment said no.

Growing up, I was wrong. I desperately wanted a tattoo, to express myself, to have meaning marked on my skin forever.

And so, I quietly rebelled.

I got that tattoo. I got that meaning marked on my skin with a middle finger to society, fear, and judgment.

Growing up, I always said I wouldn't fly alone. I wouldn't fly alone because I was afraid of heights, because I was afraid of getting lost, because I was afraid of all of the possible, "what if's."

My fear said hell to the no.

But, I quietly rebelled.

Growing up, I didn't know what I was missing. Flying, traveling, alone has had such a profound impact on my life, giving me a sense of independence that I would have never found elsewhere.

I got on that plane, I flew to new places, and I kissed that shackling fear goodbye.

I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I couldn't stand trying to conform to societal norms.

I couldn't stand withdrawing from opportunities out of fear.

I couldn't stand my lack of expression to avoid judgment.

And most of all

I couldn't stand living within this body as I felt my soul drifting farther and farther away from who I really am.

So, I quietly rebelled

And being a rebel has been the best decision of my life.

Cover Image Credit: Jenna Rutkey

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Life Is So Much More Than Ourselves

The lives we live are really so much bigger than just ourselves.


I hope people hear this loud and clear when I say that this generation of people and quite frankly our society as a whole has become one of the most selfish to date. I really hope people reading this don't take it as me calling people out, "throwing shade" or bashing humanity, I'm just trying to put out a call to action but in a more blunt way.

This generation subconsciously lives by the "me, my, mine" lifestyle. Everything is all about us, and what we want and immediate satisfaction or gratification from the things that we do in life. We always want someone to notice what we are doing, that we did it and we want to be acknowledged for it. Our wants and desires power so much of what we do and how we react to what others do and so on and so forth. Also, kind of piggybacking on that, we tend to believe or live by the idea that, "yeah it happens, but it's never gonna happen to me" which can be a major issue when it comes to decision making. This is because we don't think about how it affects anyone but ourselves, usually in the immediate sense rather than the long term.

With that being said it can become an issue when we choose to ignore the other things going on around us like, "oh, someone else will get it." and then things like the trash epidemic and the state at which our planet and country is in now. We have become so self-absorbed that it's to hell with everything else. The places that we call home and the world that we know is falling apart and we are all just gonna sit by and watch like nothing is happening.

I am tired of the mentality that we as a society live in, and how we try to desperately to look great on social media but do nothing about it in real life. It is time that things change and we are the ones changing it.

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