I Have A Few Problems With Dating In 2017

I Have A Few Problems With Dating In 2017

I mean is it just me or...?
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Is it just me or is dating as a Millennial difficult? Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way or maybe I just keep meeting the same kind of guy which if that's the case then you can just say “Oh that Melissa, she's just single… what's new?". But if I'm not alone and I'm telling the truth then all of us should gather for a pizza party where we fix dating… (I'm not being serious… there's no way this is happening but I do want pizza now) But seriously with all these dating apps filled with selfies and one-liners in place of actual information about a person, dating has kind of become like scrolling through a catalog and picking out a person. You could vibe really well with the person or it could be an epic fail. And when it does, people just go back to shopping.

Do Guys Know What A Date Is?

I don't wanna hang out with you on your couch and watch movies. If we're not in an established relationship or even at least friends, basically if I don't know you enough/aren't comfortable enough I'm not coming to your house. And no that doesn't make me shy or a prude it means I watch the news and am being safe. It also means I know that we live in a hookup world and I'm a relationship type of girl.

Stop being so vague!

This kind of ties into the first one but like if you want an actual date/relationship say that. If all you want is some action (I don't know why I used that word… oh well) say that! Just be honest and accept my response.

Be. Honest.

This all could have been one bullet… oops. But I digress... Guys, if you're listening let me say something. A woman would appreciate you being honest with her over trying to not hurt her feelings. Yes you losing interest will hurt me, yes you liking someone else will hurt me, yes it's gonna hurt but you know what hurts more? Being lied to. Being ignored and ghosted and left without an explanation as to what happened. Having to tell yourself over and over that him losing interest had nothing to do with you while in the back of your mind never believing it… So yeah… I'd rather you just be like I don't want you anymore because at least you communicated to me.

This is for Tinder Boys… Don't you at least want to know my last name?

Honestly, some guys only message you saying “dtf”? As in that is their entire message, three letters; d… t… f. Or asking if you'll do something. You don't know me from some random woman on the street and you're inviting me into your home and bed? That doesn't seem weird to you? I don't know maybe I'm just an old fashioned lady that needs to go knit but I'm not down with that.

Here’s what I would like to see happen… We need to go back to people asking people out on actual dates, being friends first, getting to know a person. I see some of my peers with relationships like this and I know that it is possible. It may be old fashioned but I think it works.


Today's food for thought:

Put down your phones and experience the now
Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Thank You For Your Input, But I Will Still Be Wearing My Wedding Dress

Spread love and not lies, judgement, or hate.
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I am the author of the controversial “wedding dress” article, and trust me, I have learned a lot. I am sitting here trying to write something that will not be misconstrued.

As I do, my mind flashes with comments and tweets from all over the world. It was a wave of negativity and personal attacks. I have received over one thousand messages telling me to either kill myself or that I belong in a psych ward. I had people attacking my friends and family members as well over an article about relationships. Seriously?

I have gone from crushed, to angry, to strong from the backlash of my previous article. Among the negativity, there were also waves of people who messaged me thanking me for writing what I did. Most have said that they have felt jealous and I encouraged them to look towards the future.

They understood what I was trying to convey. Many people have asked me why I would not take the article down, and these positive messages are the people who kept me from doing that. If I showed that I was ashamed of the feelings the article conveyed, then I felt as though I would be showing them that they should be ashamed as well. They should not, and I hope that they know this.

As for the content of my past article, I understand that it did not tell the entire story. I do not write for the New York Times or The Washington Post. I sat down in my bed after waking up from a nap, and I had 20 minutes to write an article that met a deadline. We have all turned in a procrastinated task or assignment. That’s what this was.

I thought about a conversation with friends. They mentioned that they wished they could have been there for their fiancés and husbands longer. One jokingly said that she wished she could have been there for her husband’s prom because ours sucked. It is currently prom season, and I am getting married shortly. Congratulations, you have the article. It was not from my point of view. It is a conglomeration of feelings that had been expressed to me through conversation. I stated at the end that you can look forward to the rest of your life with them now. That was my advice to my friends.

I commonly write theoretically, not literally. My audience knows that. This was not an article that was meant to be widespread and clearly known by everyone in the world. Yes, that happened, but we have communities in Odyssey. Mine are intended for my personal community. Odyssey articles are also not meant to tell an entire story. We have guidelines, word counts, and we aren’t usually meant to write an entire story in one article.

That article had nothing to do with anyone in either my or my fiancé’s life. However, even if it was, you do not know what has happened to me nor my fiancé. Maybe he was emotionally abused, cheated on, or treated very poorly. No, I did not contextualize his past in the article because it is not about a specific person, nor do I willingly “throw shade” at another person online. You can see an honest article from me regarding my past “relationships,” but many people seem to find it funny that I spoke out about being raped.

I was misunderstood, and the internet showed a disgusting face. I highly doubt you have never been misunderstood, and imagine people saying such horrible things all because they took something the wrong way. Again, I am not a writer for a huge publication. We have different guidelines here, and I do not write things like this literally. Yes, as many people have also attacked me for, I have other articles about relationships. Our editors suggest article ideas for our weekly writings, and some of those are from a list of headlines that I thought I might know about even in the slightest.

Everything is not always as it seems on the internet. After the disgusting things I have seen from people, I have a whole new perspective on the world. Many people were attacking me for my Christian faith after digging into my life when they read something they didn’t agree with. The Devil had a firm grasp on this backlash, and it really shows by the completely random attacks on my faith. Through all of this, my faith is stronger. Through all of this, my relationship is stronger.

I do not care who he went to prom with. Do I wish I could have had more time with my fiancé? Of course. Wouldn’t you? It has nothing to do with who had him. It has to do with me getting to love him longer and maybe saving him from heartache and hurt that people put him through. Would you not want to save a loved one from hurt if you could? I am not jealous of one person whatsoever. I simply wish that I could have loved him longer.

The “wedding dress” article, whose title I did not finalize, was an analogy for feelings young couples may experience. If you did not get that from the content, then move on. Next time you see something you do not agree with and it is not hurting anyone, I am asking you to move on. Do not treat anyone the way that I have been treated. I am far from what the internet has painted me to be like. However, I am sure many celebrities are not what the internet says either. It is a place of skewed ideas and judgmental opinions.

Despite the messages to my fiancé telling him to run, he also knows that I am nothing like what people tried to portray me to be. We both look forward to the future and point out all of the amazing things that will come. I support his hope for a future career and cannot wait for what is to come. I am not a “jealous psychopath.” I am not going to go “kill myself” like many people tried to suggest. But you know what? The next person that receives a message to kill themselves just might.

As a result of this whole situation, I have chosen to make a donation to a cyberbullying foundation that helps educate people on cyberbullying while also supplying comfort for those who are victims. It is a foundation that helps prevent self-harm and suicide that is the result of cyberbullying. The foundation is called CyberSmile, and I encourage you to learn about them.

I hope that you keep your mind open when reading things about people on the internet. I was judged so harshly for something so small. It can happen to anyone, and it can be more than some people can handle. Think before you type. Your words have consequences. You are not an anonymous person hiding behind a screen. Some of the fake accounts that were made to attack me, I know who they are. I will never be able to forget these comments about me. No matter how WRONG people were about me, these words will continue to hurt me.

My heart hurts for the next innocent person who gets attacked for publishing an emotional piece of work. There are people who would not be alive right now after what happened. You can call that dramatic or whatever you want, but it is true. People can have different opinions and still be civil to each other.

Next time you may think about saying something harsh to someone, think about saying it to your loved one. Think about the person that will see it. Put yourself in their shoes. Never judge someone for something small like a piece of writing. Don’t judge people period. We all have different opinions, appearances, beliefs, and many other things. That is what makes the world beautiful. If people spent as much time spreading love as they did spreading lies and hate about me and other people, the world would be a much better place.

Send love to people who may need it. Love your neighbor. Treat others with respect. Be a light in another person’s life.

Do not feed into the negativity and think twice about what you see or read. I am getting married to the love of my life in a few weeks. This situation has made me realize how lucky I am to have an extremely supportive man by my side. I cannot wait for our future together, and this has made us even stronger.

Love people, and keep moving forward.

With love,

Victoria Higgins

Cover Image Credit: Courtney Beth

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