My appearance is hard to qualify. I love fashion. I like wearing skirts and dresses and makeup. I like to look pretty. But I just don't have time or energy to do it. I like to sleep in, I'm not a morning person. In order to look pretty, you have to wake up early, and more importantly, be awake. Those are two different things. Most days, whether at school or at home, I just wear workout clothes, no makeup, a headband, and occasionally, earrings and a necklace.
But, lately, since I am graduating soon, and am expected to be an adult and find a job, I have started to try to look put together somewhat regularly. I will put on a bit of makeup and wear tights and a skirt or a dress. I usually look pretty good. But there seems to be a problem. Every single time I try to look presentable, I will have a shitty day.
One day in November, I wore a skirt and two pairs of tights, since it was cold, and boots. I did this since we were going to the city and visiting a potential employer's office. The day was going well, until my train broke down and was eventually cancelled. That lead to all the trains getting delayed, the station and train cars being packed, me getting back late, and me having to run through the crowded station to get to my train from the bathroom. That might be too much information.
Today, I put on a skirt and tights, and proceeded to stain my shirt, while being extremely cold.
I know everyone's wondering why this is important. But, I was noticing a pattern. And I wasn't sure why this was happening..
Maybe it's just the pressure to look like I actually care about myself and to look like I am actually an attractive person just gets o me and I crumble. Maybe I get too overconfident, and the universe's natural karma just piles on me all at once. Maybe this is a realization that I look fine without makeup or looking traditionally feminine, even when I think I look like crap. Maybe I'm just going to have to get used to it.
Whatever it is, I gotta deal with it.