I hate being separated from my parents. I'm scared of the characters that walk around Disney World and refuse to go near them. I'm terrified of taxidermy. I'm scared of talking to people, and speaking out in class. I absolutely hate bringing any attention to myself. Sometimes when shopping with my friends at the mall, I ask them to buy me things because I feel that uncomfortable doing it myself. I love fondue, but can only eat it when the raw and cooked meat are separated into different dishes. I don't eat food if the food has fallen onto my counter because I'm afraid of contamination. Every time I hit my head, I call my mom because I am afraid I gave myself a concussion. The Ebola outbreak nearly drove me to buy a hazmat suit off of Amazon and lock myself inside my house. I really love the Caribbean, but I don't think I will be traveling there anytime soon because of Zika outbreak. I always seem to automatically assume the worst in almost every situation.

For me, anxiety has been a constant for most of my life. It wasn't until relatively recently that I started getting on medication that helps me manage my anxiousness and control my fears. Even with the medication, managing my anxiety is a daily struggle for me. I am always aware of its presence, even if unconsciously. It impacts every decision I make, every relationship I have, every one of my carefully thought out actions — every part of my life. I understand if, while reading this, you find yourself laughing. I know that a lot of these fears seem silly. I will be the first to admit that many of my fears are funny, silly and often times irrational. I know that, and still, my mind doesn't. To me, all my fears are completely rational and sometimes paralyzing, because of my anxiety disorder.

My anxiety is not, and has never been, a shy girl standing quietly in the back of the classroom. Shyness is only one aspect of the anxiety I have had to deal with: I also constantly overthink everything; my mind runs wild and jumps to highly unrealistic and highly improbable conclusions. The fear drives nearly everything in my life. I know how unrealistic and irrational the fears I have are, but my mind doesn't allow me to let them go and move on. It's a continuous state of being bombarded by the most uncomfortable thoughts, and having no control over them. It's work. I am always working, thinking and contemplating things. I'm never really completely relaxed. Even sitting on the front porch of my grandparents cottage, my favorite place in the world, my mind is constantly thinking and finding the next thing to worry about.

Having any type of mental illness is not easy, including anxiety. Managing that mental illness is never simple and is often complicated by societal sigmas surrounding mental illness. Until we remove that sigma, there will always be an element of embarrassment and denial surrounding anxiety —and other disorders — that may keep people from seeking the help they need and want.