Mental illness is not talked about nearly enough and there are so many misconceptions out there about what they are and how they wreak havoc on one's body.s someone who has dealt with mental illness her entire life. I can honestly say that it is not something that I can easily ignore or "get over." In some ways, my mental illness controls important aspects of my life and I know I'm not alone.

This is what anxiety and depression are to me.

You do everything that people tell you to do—consult a professional, talk to your doctor, maybe be put on some kind of antidepressant. But then you find yourself sitting in that therapist’s office, baring your soul to a total stranger and it hits you like a ton of bricks. Is this what the rest of my life looks like? Will my happiness always be medicated?

And then it’s switching therapists after a couple of months because you no longer feel as if they understand you.

There are people who will tell you that they understand—friends, family, professors, co-workers. But then the minute you start showing symptoms, it’s like they flip a switch. Some people will even throw it back in your face with “jokes” that might actually be funny, but it still sends your heart plummeting into your stomach. You recoil back into your shell and curse yourself for ever thinking it was okay to be open about your mental health issue.

But then there are also people who genuinely understand you and want to help you, but it still feels like there’s a barrier between you and them. It’s looking in their eyes, with a weighted heart and scratchy throat, and still muttering the words “I’m fine,” because you’re just too damn embarrassed to tell them the truth. Wouldn’t it just be so much simpler if you could tell a friend that you’re having an anxiety or depressive episode and have it be as causal and accepted as if you were to say you had a cold?

Some days you wake up and before you even fully open your eyes, you know it’s going to be one of those days. Something feels off like you forgot to do something the day before but cannot remember what. But no matter what you do, that feeling never goes away and it’s like that thing you forgot to do…it’s life or death. Somehow you convince yourself to take a mental health day, but that bliss doesn’t last long. That little voice inside of your head starts nagging you and before you know it, that perpetual state of self-hate is electrified. Anxiety overcomes that brief moment of calmness and guilt rips through you like a knife because you missed class and canceled on your friends once again.

What if you fail your class? What if your friends never make plans with you again? What if your friends start to hate you?

People say that your health is the most important thing.... but what do you do when “taking care of your health” is ruining almost every other aspect of your life?

Sometimes anxiety and depression take the stereotypical route. It’s being constantly tired, a kind of tired that a quick nap won’t come even close to fixing. It’s lying in bed all day without the energy to even complete the most mundane of tasks. It’s sweaty palms, a racing heartbeat and the struggle to breathe. But then sometimes it’s feeling physically ill. Nausea is as common as breathing. Headaches and chest pain are everyday things.

Sometimes looking in the mirror is enough to break your heart. Your reflection just isn’t your reflection anymore. It’s every single insecurity you have on display and their magnified. Mirrors are your worst nightmare and it becomes customary to just avoid them at all costs.

The thing that sucks the most is that you don't want to be this way. You would do anything to be able to wake up every morning and not be weighed down by anxiety. But there is no magic cure for a mental illness. There is no off-switch. There is no "take this pill for 30 days and you should be good as new!"

Every day is different. Sometimes even every hour is different. And it’s different from person to person. Mental illness is an uphill battle every single day. Some days feel like mountains, while others feel like measly ant hills. But it is a battle that no one should have to lose.