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My Last First Day Of School

It's hard to believe I don't have to sit through any more syllabus week classes...

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As a second-semester senior with no aims (thus far) of going to grad school, it's interesting to think that I may have just had my last "first day of school" ever. They've become progressively smaller deals each time -- even my return to campus after my first college winter break brought an apprehensive feeling of mystery and suspense. I will admit I have a similar feeling now, but that's only because I haven't started applying for jobs yet.

I know what I'm in for now. This semester of college will consist of some degree of personal improvement, stress over schoolwork that I have trouble doing even when I truly believe that I "like" my classes, lots of fun moments with good friends, some personal drama, nostalgia for semesters past and some level of dissatisfaction with the amount of personal, academic and social progress I'll end up making. It's never quite enough that I end a semester feeling totally satisfied and predict my thoughts during graduation will be both on accomplishments and missed opportunities.

I've scheduled myself such that I only have a single class on Mondays and Fridays (I think it will allow me to better transition in and out of the weekend), so I lazily woke up, rolled out of bed, and went to class. It's syllabus week, so we talked about general course guidelines (which are standard), introduced ourselves (I'm not going to remember anybody's name on Wednesday, except that of the friend I'm taking the class with and the cute girl in the corner), and were dismissed a few minutes ahead of schedule. And with absolutely no fanfare, I've been thrust into my last semester of college. It feels pretty much like all of the others and I doubt that will change much. The hunt for internships and summer jobs will be replaced with a search for a "real job," and of course I still have to, at the very least, pass the majority of my classes. The one benefit is that I can probably get a D in every single course I'm taking this semester without jeopardizing either my chance to graduate or my solid GPA.

Gone is the worry that I won't get all of my major requirements in (they're done) and the apprehension that my social life will be wildly different (I'm a second-semester senior. I'm not making many more close friends, or meeting my soulmate here). I have more real-person worries: I need a job, an apartment, some degree of control over my habits and life skills, the ability to manage my finances and a whole laundry list of other anxieties, but I'm in sort of a zen state about it. I've proven, thus far, that I'm reasonably competent. I'm sure I'll pull through this semester too, even if it's a struggle like the past seven were.

I write comic books, bike without a helmet, and barbecue meat.

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