Lots of guys are fuckboys... Yes! That is definitely the correct term. Not every girl or woman gets to be a class act dude. Not every girl or woman will be with a fuckboy either. Fuckboys just do not have what it takes to be in my life. I am too clingy and I need a lot of attention. Fuckboys do not know how to handle that, and besides, I like to be the only woman in my man's life (besides his momma and sisters of course)!

This brings me to the guy who deals with it all. He deals with me, all of my issues, and all my annoyances. He is someone who God has put here in front of me to change the way I look at the world and to even change the way I look at myself. Am I selfish? Am I immature? Probably more than what I thought.

Brook is his name, and being the love of my life is his game. I do not even know if that makes sense, but we just will pretend it does. So, let's see... A few months after Brook and I started dating was when all of my bipolar and psychosis issues started. To this day, I still deal with it every day.

Some days are worse than others. Brook has been accused, screamed at, has been told he is not a man, has been told he is hated and has been told to find someone else. Guess whose mouth that all came from? You guessed it... ME!

I know, I know. I am a bitch. One thing I have found out about myself recently is that I am the biggest bitch. I literally accuse Brook of cheating on me just about every day. Why? Because I hear another girl talking in the house. I hear him having sex with another girl when I am sleeping and he is out in his shop. At first, I was like how can anyone blame me? I never dealt with this before. Why is all this just starting now?

Every time I think something shady is happening, I blame Brook for it. Now, believe me, we both have our flaws and there are things we both need to work on in our relationship. I break this man down every single day of his life and you know what he does? He tells me to go to the doctor to get checked. He tells me to call my parents and talk to them. He tells me he will take me to the ER if I have to go. He tells me I look beautiful. He tells me he is proud of me. He asks me how my day was. He asks me to spend time with him when he is working on his car or the basement.

Most importantly he still tells me he loves me. He still tells me he loves me and cares for me even when I put him through all that every day. Do I always believe him? Nope.

Do I always trust him and believe there is no other girl? Nope. He knows this, but still stands by me. He knows I have a mental illness and knows I need help. When I say he is selfless, he truly is. I never tell him this because I am scared. I am always afraid one day I will walk in on him. I am always afraid I will fully put my guard down and he will leave.

I am so in love with you Brook Berger. You really have no idea. I know I apologize so much and I never change, but I promise you things will. You are my knight in shining armor.