In the black community, a black man being able to branch out and date another race (usually a white woman) is seen as a big accomplishment. Being with someone who is of a lighter complexion means lighter skinned kids, which means better opportunities for those kids as their lighter skin tone is seen as more favorable.
This, in turn, causes these same men to turn around and treat black women like they are worth next to nothing. We are believed to be insubordinate to our lighter skinned counterparts especially the ones in our own race. When I was younger, I was constantly called a tar baby, a slave, gorilla, and my personal favorite a roach. But my lighter skinned friends were always praised and thought to be the epitome of black beauty. Despite the fact that these black men are simply self-hating, these ideals are somehow turned back onto us. Somehow it's a black woman's fault as to why black men don't like us.
But on the other hand, a black woman who branches out and dates a man of another race is seen as a traitor. A black woman is expected to stick by a black man's side no matter what. Through all the slurs, put-downs, and disrespect, "a black woman's place is with a black man". Matter of fact, a large majority of the anti-black comments I've received have come directly from black men themselves.
A lot of this seems like pretty old-fashioned thinking, right? Oh, you'd be surprised.
I knew from the very beginning that the relationship between me and my boyfriend was something that was a little taboo. People still react strange to others dating outside of their race, but to see a black girl with an Asian guy is something that's really strange. When I first told my friends back home, a majority of them who are black, I got an unimaginable amount of backlash. Before I could even get a few words out about who he was, my friends in our group message were blowing up my phone with texts making fun of not only me and my relationship, but my boyfriend too. I'm a person with pretty thick skin so the comments don't bother me much anymore, but hearing people talk about someone I care so much about hurts.
Even small comments like "Do your parents know?" or "What does your family think of him?", may seem harmless but definitely aren't. Little things like this, along with others like fetishization and the whole "you're so brave!", spiel are starting to get really, really old.
Even still, in 2016, people want to pin race as a major factor in my relationship. When I look at my boyfriend I don't see someone's who's Asian. I see someone who is funny, incredibly smart, and kind. I see someone who is respectful and tolerant of our differences and embraces them with open arms. I see someone who I know will get me through the bad days and make the good days even better. I see someone who I can grow with and become a better me with. I see someone who is my best friend before anything else. Someone who is quick to judge our relationship for what it is on the surface is really missing out on a truly amazing person.
After being with so many black men who constantly threw me under the bus for being a black woman because of their deep seeded self-hate, it was time I took matters into my own hands. I refuse, absolutely refuse to reduce my own self-worth to next to nothing just to be with someone. It's time for me to be appreciated for who I am. Thankfully, I have that now.
So for anyone who has an issue with me or my relationship; I'm getting the love that I deserve, and that's all that matters. So keep your Jim Crow opinions to yourself.