I am still in disbelief with the latest act of violence in our nation. I am still in disbelief that there are 50 dead people that should have been hungover all day Sunday. I am still in disbelief that there are 50 families who are grieving their loved ones.

I woke up that morning with a slight headache from a little too much vodka the night before. As I lie in bed, I began my morning ritual of checking my phone. This includes checking notifications from Facebook and LinkedIn, deleting junk email, and scrolling through Instagram. As I scanned my Facebook notifications, I realized people were checking in as 'safe' in Orlando. I had no idea what this meant. I rolled my eyes as how Facebook was adding another feature to take up precious space on my timeline.

I moved from Facebook to Instagram as I began a procession of likes. I am still groggy at this point but I notice a "pray for Orlando" post. I instantly become more alert as I have seen these posts far too many times the past several years. The post is all too reminiscent of the attack on Paris months ago.

I switch over to my Safari app to begin gathering information on what happened in Orlando. I begin to see headlines reporting that 50 people were shot. I click on a link to read what CNN is reporting. As I read, I am informed of a shooting that has happened in a gay bar as a result of a hostage situation.

I start reading and re-reading all the facts. I start processing what has actually happened. I am confused. I want to believe that this was not planned. I want to believe that the gunman just happens to be in front of a gay bar. I want to believe that the shooter is not a homophobic asshole, that he is just a bad guy who tried to get away. I am wrong though.

I am heartbroken when I take my eyes off the screen of my laptop. I am also terrified. As I alluded earlier, I was out the night of the attack. Another intern and I were in Hell's Kitchen that night. We actually went to several gay bars, in fact. Two of the bars, Industry and Therapy, are two of the popular gay bars on the entire island of Manhattan.

I lie in bed thinking about the possible outcomes if NYC was the city that had been attacked. If Manhattan was the target, these two bars might have fell prey. After all, the gunman was a native New Yorker.

I push these thoughts aside as I focus on the lost lives of over 50 people with another 50 injured. I focus on the community that has just been tragically affected. I focus on the fact that this violence against the LGBTQA+ community has happened during a month that is supposed to celebrate their uniqueness and their progress.

The shooting creeps into my head all day Sunday as I relive the feeling of terror and sadness. I am still very upset over the situation. I just keep telling myself that this will make our nation stronger. I keep telling myself that this will make the LGBTQA+ community stronger. I am hoping that if I say it enough, it will actually come true. My fingers are crossed and my prayers are with Orlando.