When people think of driving, they think of ultimate freedom. Leaving whenever you want to go wherever you want, driving to a friend’s house or going to pick up food. With your license and a car, you almost feel invincible. Everything can be done by yourself without the agony of waiting for your parents to finally get up and take you. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t know.
For me when I think of driving it’s the complete opposite. There was a time when I was so excited to get out and get my license, go meet up with my friends somewhere and actually leave at the time I want to leave, but then came Driver's Ed… I went in my first class thinking that I was going to get my license as quickly as I could. It wasn’t until those horrid videos they showed us that every ounce of adventure I had disappeared. All of the stories they shared of the crashes and everything that could possibly go wrong, it terrified me. Absolutely terrified me.
I eventually sucked it up and did my three drive times because I knew my permit was going to expire and I wasn’t about to pay $50 more to get a new one. The drive times gave me a little confidence back, but not enough. Every time I get into the car, I’m panicky. Especially when a car is coming my way, I always feel like they are just going to come into my lane and I’m going to end up like one of those tragic drivers ed videos. And to be honest, I can’t even go above 40 mph without feeling like I have no control. It’s an awful fear that I desperately need to get over, and I know this, I just don’t know how.
It’s way too much of a responsibility to drive. It’s one thing to risk your life while driving, but every time you’re out on the road, you’re risking everyone else’s as well. And every time I’m out on the road that’s all I can think about, how any moment anything could happen and ruin someone else’s future. You also have to worry about how everyone else is going to drive, if they’re paying attention to every little detail like you are, or if they’re going to run that red light. I’m constantly paranoid that I’m going to make a mistake and something is going to go wrong.
I hope my future husband is okay with this irrational fear because he is going to have to drive everywhere. Especially when it comes to our kids, I don’t think I will ever get to the point where I feel comfortable driving others around. As of right now, I’m definitely nowhere near that level of confidence. Maybe a couple trips to the convenience store at night I could handle. But oh man. It’s going to be a wake-up call when I have to drive to college next year every day. I’m really going to have to learn how to park and function mirrors by that point…