My Ex-Boyfriend Was A Narcissist

My Ex-Boyfriend Was A Narcissist

I realized I never knew the real him.
1996
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When I dormed in college, I met a guy who lived across the hall from me. He seemed like the perfect guy. When I sat on his roommates black futon in their living room, he told me all about how he is a fantastic cook. He pursued a culinary arts degree but decided to instead be a personal trainer so he considers himself an expert in health and wellness. He told great stories, unbelievable, complicated stories. Usually they were about near death experiences. One time, in Eagle Scouts he ran away from a bear. Another time when he drove home from Maryland, he drove under a tornado and heard his car shake. I didn’t realize in these conversation that I didn’t really talk about myself. I assumed I just didn’t have anything to say.

This guy seemed impossible. He seemed almost perfect. Everything about him had been what I wanted to be. I needed a guy like this in my life. I needed an inspiration. He was fit. He practiced yoga. He seemed like he had his life together, or so I thought. But what I didn’t realize was that all of this was a facade. It was how he wanted to be seen, but not who he really was.

After having been with each other for two year officially and three years unofficially, we had a nasty breakup which I will right about later, because oh my gosh is it a wild ride. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that my ex is a narcissist. For those who don’t know and use the term loosely to maybe describe a person taking selfies or maybe someone who might be venting their problems, I will explain what narcissism looks like. It looks like a person who constantly needs admiration- not someone who wants to be complimented, but will fish for compliments and will get upset if there aren’t enough of them. Narcissism looks like a person who cannot take any criticism no matter how small. Narcissism looks like a person who thinks they are entitled to whatever they want whenever they want. A narcissist makes promises they rarely keep. They make those promises to manipulate you to get what they want.

My ex didn’t show these signs right away. The thing about narcissists is that they are really hard to notice until it’s too late. You have an idea of them as a person. You believe their crazy stories and their charm until they get what they want, until they push your boundaries, until they take and take until there's nothing left.

It started with the little stuff. He’d pretend to have an interest in the music I liked when I brought it up. I asked him to listen to my favorite band and he said he might later. He never did. I didn’t even realize this because I was distracted by his wit, and his charm. When we’d watch shows together, he never had an interest in anything I’d suggest, but he always had a show he wanted to show me. Then it got worse with other things. He never held down a job because he hated authority. He hated people telling him what to do. He could never hold down a job because he hated being told what to do. He was especially bad with police.

He couldn’t handle any criticism. He claimed he couldn’t handle it from me in particular because I’m his girlfriend and he cares a great deal about what I think. But I notice now, he got bent out of shape from any criticism, whether it be his parents, his brothers, or even teachers. He dropped a class because he couldn’t handle his teacher criticizing his editing skills because he believed he had better credentials than her, a professor with teaching experience and actual industry experience.

He’d take advantage of his parents money, always asking for more hand outs because he didn’t want to work. His parents cut him off. He called them constantly demanding an answer. He called his mom everyday for six hours straight and when she finally did answer, he screamed at her on the phone for almost an hour. I remember that night he asked me if I judged him for screaming at his mom.

I didn’t notice his narcissism because I notice his depression first. I noticed it most when he didn’t have money. I noticed he paired it with drinking. And that when he drank, his true colors came out. His soft boy facade disappeared and he became this monster I didn’t know. Not a monster like large and scary but a monster like arrogant, aggressive, rude, entitled. I saw the narcissist behind the flesh. I hated it. If I knew he drank, I’d hide in my room and wait for him to be sober again. To be him again. And then he’d sober up, and he’d say he’ll never drink again. And then he’d do it again.

I think knowing what I know now, I wish I hadn’t spend so much time on him. I wish I had met other people. Real people who don’t pretend to be the this impossible person. Maybe he isn’t a narcissist and this is me just venting my frustration of a failed relationship. I don’t know. All I know is that I need to be careful. I need to listen to my gut. I need to not waste my time and put people on a pedestal because nine times out of ten, they don’t deserve to be there. If you’re dating a narcissist, you probably won’t realize it right away, and that’s fine. That doesn’t make you a horrible person. Get out when you can. And don’t regret the time you spent with them because even though they never truly cared about you, at least you tried to truly care about another being. That’s something your narcissist may never be able to do.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
36457
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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To The Guy Who Fooled Me Twice, Karma Took Care Of You

But shame on me.

JordynL
JordynL
3848
views

I'll give it to you. The first time around was great. We had fun. We laughed. In the moment, it was great. You introduced me to what is now my favorite TV show, even though now I can only watch it when it comes on Adult Swim instead of having it readily available on Netflix. You actually enjoyed Hawaiian pizza so we practically lived on that and Dr. Pepper. We'd both go to work and come right back to each other at the end of the day, at least when I made arrangements to stay the night instead of spending time with my family like I honestly should've been. Although in hindsight, I should've ran.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. We were both so happy and we loved spending time with each other. The fire in your hair matched the fire in my soul and it worked. Unfortunately, I made the decision to call it off. I had to go back to school in another town because summer break doesn't last forever. Realistically, it wouldn't have worked. Even with the short hour and a half distance, "long distance" wasn't a thing for either of us. So I called it off and we came to a civil agreement. If we run into each other again in the future, we would try. But that was foolish. I should've ran and never turned back.

Then three months later, I was deep in school work; finishing essays in time for football games, working all the time- the cliche' life of a college student. Yet you felt the need to contact me out of nowhere. Three months after the fact. But I was fine. I had moved on, attachment was gone (at least I thought it was), and I was constantly with friends, engaging in whatever shenanigans we could come up with. But you. You contacted me. You said you missed me and you wanted me in your life. BUT you had met someone and y'all were dating.

-

Can the audience guess what came next? Yes, an invitation to the "hottest" threesome. Hard pass. I don't share.

-

Nearly a year went by after this conversation. My behavior hadn't changed. School, friends, football games, and now add Paddle People in the mix. Then one night during our traditional camp out before a game, I get a text from an unknown number. Normally I ignore but I had a weird feeling. But guess who? You. Apparently you had found out that she had been cheating on you with y'all's roommate. Disgusting, but okay. The relationship was over and you were confiding in me. Okay. I'm awesome at this. I had zero feeling but I still felt bad because stuff like this sucks.

Apparently somewhere along the lines, you had gotten reattached to me. Also along that line, I got used to talking to you on a daily basis again and got attached as well. We had agreed to meet up and hang out. Sure. What's wrong with meeting up with a friend? BUT you wanted me to meet your mom and stepdad. I should've ran.

Obviously I was an idiot. I met them, I loved them, they loved me, and we all had a great time. The literal closet full of liquor that your mother opened was honestly pretty enticing. From that night on, we hung out more and things seemed almost like they were. Aside from your depressing heartbreak and being terrified to start something new with me, even though you said you wanted to. I should've known better because I was sick of wasting time, but if I'm awesome at anything, it's being supportive. But I should've ran.

Eventually we started up again. AND I got along with your younger brother. Remember all the laughs we all shared? At least until you found out that one of the guys your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with was your younger brother. That, among other reasons, was why you made your mom kick him out of the house. But now he's in the Air Force making a better life for himself. Oddly enough, he's been really successful ever since he got separated from you and your family. Who would've thought? Oh yeah, me. Part of the reason you kicked him out was, of course, the disgust that your own brother betrayed you, but also because you were terrified that he would do the same thing with me. What you didn't know was that SHE initiated the relationship with your brother, not the other way around. But you either don't know that or don't want to accept it. Either way, I'm not that kind of person.

The kicker is when I found that you were in contact with her. To get your stuff back, I get it. BUT when I saw the messages of y'all wanting to hook up and do all these things while I was at work? Oh no. I bet you'll recall I confronted you about that and how you claimed you didn't owe me anything because we weren't actually together. True, but YOU wanted trust with us. Yet you couldn't be trustworthy and got defensive, not because we weren't fully committed, but because you got caught.

Big surprise, I went to work one day. We made plans to get dinner after I got off work and changed. I called you to let you know I was on my way, but SHE answered the phone. While y'all were consummating your "born again" relationship, I might add. Which is kinda funny and insulting to you. But my heart dropped. I sped to your place, and my fears were obviously correct. Her car was there. But the kicker? My suitcase was thrown in the driveway. Not even containing all my belongings. Fast forwarding through the retrieval of my belongings, communicating with your dirty, patronizing, personal skank through a garage door ORDERING her to get the rest, and you not bringing them to me directly, but instead leaving them on the porch so I couldn't confront you- I learned that you were nothing but a spineless coward.

I left. I went back to work because it was the first place I could think of that was the closest. I ran into the arms of someone that I once considered my best friend; my other half, even though we were going through our own rough patch and were barely speaking. But at the time he was the only one that knew about you in your entirety, so of course I ran to him. And I will thank him relentlessly for that AND for letting me by booze, only for me to drive to another friend's house so I could crash there and let me spew out my feelings and regrets. Not only with you, but with every potential relationship decision I've ever made. I will always thank that friend for that till the day I die. Those two guys put me back together that night.

In that moment, you had broke me. But now I realize that I should've ran. I should've ignored that unknown text. I should've let the first round be the only round because I came out on top.

You know what makes me feel better though? And that makes me kind of a shitty person? I know she cheated on you again. I know for a fact. Because a friend of mine showed me a picture of a girl he hooked up with recently. Within the last month to be exact. And guess who? Your girl. The ultimate kicker is that, unfortunately he has an STD now. He's treating it, but it's undetermined of when he got it. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that he got it from your girl though, considering we both know she opens her legs for basically anyone. Whether she knows about it is a mystery. Knowing how many guys she's still cheating on you with is a mystery. But karma is a dirty bitch and she got you.

You screwed me over, so enjoy screwing your STD ridden girlfriend. Girls don't show symptoms for a while, so that should be fun for you; considering you like the RAW feeling. So congratulations. The feeling of her burning bush matches the fire in your hair.

JordynL
JordynL

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