2016 the year of the weirdest election yet, Pokémon go and body positivity. As much as I would love to talk about the other two topics I decided that today is not the day to talk about American History and how America has never been white or about a game that is pretty much controlling my life. Body positivity, we see it everywhere, from actual stores where they consider a size 10 “plus size” to Instagram, that place where people promote teas that make you lose weight and gummies that make your hair grow faster because apparently, we don’t have time for big short-haired people.

Body positivity hasn’t always been my thing. Since I was a little girl I’ve always been told that being fat equals not being healthy and being a ballerina not being healthy equals no dancing, so the equation went fat equals not healthy equals no dancing, which for a five-year-old girl that only wishes to dance for the rest of my life is a big ‘no-no’. I began gaining consciousness of my body when I was twelve years old. I remember like it was yesterday the first time I was called “fat” it was not said literally but the person told me that I had been “careless with my eating habits” and that with that shape I wasn’t going to fit in my costume. Two weeks later I had lost almost ten pounds and my costume fit, not perfectly thought it was big, so that day I was told that I had to make my costume fit with a powerful “and I don’t care how you do it, just make it happen”. That right there was what I like to call “my ticket” for the body-hating years that were ahead.

The next year, after a lot of hard work, I was given the opportunity of a lifetime, at least that’s what I thought. At thirteen years old I was given a principal role. The moment I was told I went home and immediately told my mom that I had to lose weight. She was more than shocked and before congratulating me she told me that I didn’t have to lose weight that I was perfect just I way I was and that anyone that told me the contrary was crazy and I believed her until two weeks later I was told that if I wanted this role I had to “make sacrifices and arrangements” a nice way of saying “you better star a diet” I knew my mom wouldn’t let me do it so I decided to do it by myself. I knew I had to do it so I googled “how to lose weight fast” and read and read until I had a plan so I started my “diet” the next day. It was harder than It looked and since my mom didn’t know she kept buying chips and cookies and everything I couldn’t eat. For two weeks I worked hard on maintaining this diet, but I had no results and since I had no time for trying another method I turned to the most stereotypical method ever in the ballet world, I stopped eating. At first I’d skipped breakfast and then I would eat a snack between breakfast and lunch so I had and excuse for “not being hungry” and the end of this journey I would only eat a 90 calories brownies and for the day of the premier I had lost 20 pounds leaving me weighing 85 poor and sad pounds. The most horrifying thing are the pictures I looked sad and depressed, because I was, and my body mostly my chest was pure bones.

Since this, I’ve had a fear of gaining weight and being “fat” again. But recently my life took a turn for the best and I’ve started my transition to vegetarianism. My body feels great and I feel great emotionally. I’ve started taking care of my body and being a little more conscious of what I eat, but not in a bad way. Little by little I’ve started falling in love with my body and accepting it. I now buy clothes because I like them not because they make me look skinny, I’ve started being a little more confident on the beach even though I have a long way to go with this one, I don’t always wear high-waited things to hide my belly, I’m not in a constant fear that people will look at my body with disgust. I’m not saying you have to change your diet to feel better about yourself, I’m saying that changing my diet has helped me with it. Even though there’s still a long way to go I feel extremely lucky to have started this process this soon in my life.

Body positivity is more than showing #mycalvins, posting glo ups, and #controllachallenges. In reality, body positivity is none of that is about accepting who you are and loving that person, is showing people that you don’t have to be in society’s standards of beauty to feel it. You don’t need anything society tells you, you need what YOU feel necessary and what YOU want. With this said please go and post that selfie, go and wear those jeans, wear that bathing suit, dye your hair that color, show your teeth, wear those heels, stop shaving, everything will be okay. I promise you at the end it will all be worth it.