Growing up, I never really had any problems with anxiety or depression.

For the most part, I was a super happy kid without a single care in the world apart from some problems with maybe spreading myself too thin in high school. Honestly, at the time the only moments I was ever really stressed or experienced any anxiety was when I was worrying about fulfilling obligations and getting good grades.

Fast-forward to college and wow, everything became SO different. It all started shortly after the start of my freshman year. I was thrown completely out of my comfort zone, into a new environment away from home and in a different state. It was a big change and I thought I was adjusting well, but once I realized that I was pretty much alone I started to have these horrible anxiety attacks. At the time I was so confused about what was going on. It just didn’t make any sense why I was reacting in such a weird way to literally nothing. I would be totally fine and minding my own business one minute and the next I would literally be about to collapse, unable to breathe. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It would all happen so quickly and suddenly I would feel as though I was drowning, and the walls were closing in. The attacks only became worse, and it wasn’t until later that I learned what these “episodes” were.

After weeks of calling my parents every day, often multiple times a day in hysterics, they encouraged me to take action and seek help and answers for what was going on. I was initially embarrassed but having that small bit of support in whatever I was going through really helped when it came to the point of taking the first step to seeking help.

After taking that first step and meeting with a doctor and psychiatrist I discovered that these “panic episodes” I was having were actually “anxiety attacks” and after being diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) I learned that they would also probably be something I would be dealing with for the rest of my life. This was difficult news to hear and for awhile I was ashamed as I still struggled with my anxiety. My own personal journey included going down a more holistic route to help with my anxiety which did not include normal medicinal options. This was kind of the first big adult decision I made on my own, but I decided that personally I did not want to leave the controlling of my anxiety solely up to whether I remember to take my medication that day and decided to go to therapy and counseling to learn how to begin controlling my anxiety on my own, as well as use of essential oils, teas and exercise to help (I know some people think this route may not actually work, but let me just say it definitely did for me).

It’s crazy to think that this dark time of my life was already two years ago. To me, it feels just like it was yesterday and even to this day I still find it extremely hard to deal with chronic anxiety and the feeling and experience that comes with my anxiety attacks. I may not always be the calm, cool, and collected girl I once was, but after battling my demons for a couple years I am proud to say I’ve gotten a pretty good handle on it and have made a lot of progress. Having to fight this battle within myself has taught me more than I could’ve ever learned on my own. It has taught me how to solely rely on myself and helped me learn to be confident in my own skin as well as the importance of bringing awareness to mental illness and its severities.

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t change what happened to me as it has helped shape the person I am today. My only wish is that the rest of the world could take mental illness as seriously as those who experience it.