Meeting new people is hard. Even if I've met them a few times before, my insecurities always come creeping in and I don't know how to act like myself.
The intrusive thoughts in my head keep spiraling, and all of a sudden I'm more focused on what I'm saying and if I'm saying the right things, rather than getting to know the person I'm talking to.
This causes a lot of conflicts, and suddenly a person I've met five times still hasn't seen the true me, and I know barely anything about them.
When talking to a new person, my thoughts range from "Do they like me?" to "Am I being too weird?" and I never learn to express myself fully.
I don't show my true personality because I'm scared of what they might think.
My insecurities get the best of me, and I end up coming off as rude or stand-offish, only because I don't want them to dislike the person that I am.
My anxiety makes people think I don't like them or aren't interested in what they have to say when really I just don't like myself.
Dealing with these issues has been hard. I don't want people to think I hate them, but I'm too focused on what they think about me to even comprehend what's going on half the time.
I wouldn't wish these intrusive thoughts on anyone, because they control your brain and it's hard to think about anything else.
If you feel the same way I do: I sympathize with you. I know how upsetting it is to want to be open to those around you but not knowing how to.
I love you, and it will get better.
For you, and for me.