This past Monday I moved out of Hill Hall. It is the last time I will be moving from Rider's campus and the first time without a bunch of family around to help. Every other move in and move out has been a spectacle complete with about four cars, Grandparents who have only come to "supervise", and everyone trying to dictate what goes where. It was always an event but this last time, it was just me and my sister. I felt grown up in a weird way. I also underestimated how much stuff I had. It actually took two trips to move me out but that is the beauty of living 30 mins away. It went smoothly for the most part with the exception of my not so "mini" fridge.
After me and my sister complained about how we wished we had men and how we didn't have the right equipment to move such a monster of an appliance, I decided we should just move it. I slide while I could then did the weirdest circular movement to move it across the carpeted floors. I originally thought the stairs would be the most difficult and I ended up carrying the entire thing down the second level. But the stairs were nothing compared to getting it into my mom's car. I almost cried twice while we tried to figure out how to get the stupid thing inside. Some strong man was on the phone in front of us and I know he saw us struggling but did he try to help? NO! If I see that man again I'll tell him about himself... but back to the story, we did eventually get it inside of the car. I heard songs of victory as I drove off the campus having accomplished the hardest thing I will probably ever do.
It was a bittersweet moment. I looked around my empty room and as I have done the last three years imagined it as an empty stage, me moving out serving as the season finale for the sitcom that is my life. I took a bow {in my head cause I realize this is a weird thing to do anyway} and said: "That's all folks". I loved living on campus. My freshmen year I lived in Poyda, which I hated and the past two years I lived in two separate pods in Hill. I wanted to live in an apartment in West Vil my senior year but due to things beyond my control *coughs "Rider is expensive" coughs* I will be commuting my senior year. I'm both excited and nervous about this fact. One day while doing laundry I started considering the positives. I won't have to walk downstairs to a creepy basement and pray that there is an empty washer.
This thought leads to me being excited about going grocery shopping and ironing my clothes and cooking dinner. I was feeling very domestic, to say the least. But recently I started to think about how I won't have a meal plan and proceeded to put myself into a panic about how I was going to eat every day... Because I HAVE to eat. Then I started thinking about how I needed a job and would probably get it in my hometown which would make me busy, not that I'm popular or anything but I do have friends and want to hang out with them occasionally. In the end, I realized that even living on campus had negatives and positives so I'm gonna be completely fine. I'll figure out how to navigate this new step in life.
Being a senior in college is terrifying. I haven't even started but I just keep thinking back to how it feels like I just started college and now it's almost over. Now I have to figure what I want to do with my life after graduation. Now I have to get a job and make something of a Theater degree. I have to decide it I'm going to grad school or moving to NYC or even Chicago. Both could work or neither could. It's exhausting to think about but it also made me realize that now more than ever I have to believe in myself.
I have to be my biggest fan because I'm slowly about to enter the real world where nothing will be handed to me and I have to make something of myself. I have to put my goals and aspirations at the top of my list of priorities. I also have to decide to love myself more. I have to laugh more and make memories with the people I love because Senior year will be over before I know it and the last thing I want to do is look back on it with regrets. So I'm making a declaration today that I am going to do the things that scare me. I'm gonna laugh the loudest and love the hardest. I'm going to make this the best senior year possible and I'm going to look back at it and smile. I'm moving on up and I can't wait.