the positives of moving home

The First Step To Moving On In My Life Involved actually Moving

I stood for a moment in the bedroom in which I've slept in for the past two years and realized how static I grew in my living situation and that where I was currently was not where I was meant to be.

42
views

This apartment held my dreams.

I idolized that poorly painted walls and the chips in the finish of the wood furniture. I didn't mind the dusty floors or the stained cabinet near the kitchen sink. It was everything I had always wanted because it was mine to live in.

That was my sophomore year. The year prior was spent crying almost every single night I spent in my room with the feeling of discomfort and anxiety.

For the majority of my freshman year after moving over an unfortunate situation with my first roommate, I had shared a college dorm room was a girl that kept me up at night and made me feel like a pariah during the day. She snored like a bear and maybe showered once a week, despite the sweltering Florida heat.

The room always smelled, was always loud, and always felt like it wasn't my home.

It was probably the worst year of my life for many reasons yet I always made the best of it. I enjoyed what freshman year had to offer, especially the newness of it all. Instead of struggling it out in the room I hated, most nights I slept in my best friend's bed with her at her apartment. She was graceful, knew my misery, and took me in without question, and for that, I will always be grateful for her.

Her apartment turned into the one I lived in permanently the following year when her roommate moved out and I moved in. It felt like my safe haven still from the year prior and I thrived on its energy.

Two years later and that feeling of bliss has subsided. I now walk in and feel a constant reminder of what once was and what could have been. Instead of the youthful memories of figuring out life, I'm left with the painful reminders of failure and disappointment.

I don't blame anyone – it's just life. But instead of staying in the place I've realized is not the best for me despite the re-signed lease for the upcoming year, I'm taking my happiness into my own hands.

I've slowly realized that moving is scary when you're alone. There's no one to help guide you in the right direction or even with the trivial tasks like packing. It's an isolating circumstance that feels like a million burdens all for your to carry.

You learn a lot about yourself through the stress and struggles of breaking a lease and finding a new one to sign.

When I moved to college my freshman year, my parents did most of the work – I just picked out what color bedding I wanted and whether I wanted a gold desk lamp or a black one. I chose gold.

Life seemed easy when it felt like you weren't carrying the weight of all your decisions. Both sadly and joyously, that time has passed and I've both moved on and grown up.

I'm paying for basically everything that comes with this move, and in a lot of ways, I'm proud of myself. I knew I wanted something badly enough and decided to work as hard as I could to get it. I'm still in the middle of the process and the stress that comes with it, but I'm pushing forward with the constant reminders that this is what is best for me.

It's easy to continue in life without reanalyzing where you are and what makes you happy. For too long, I didn't think about my happiness. Rather, I only focused on school work and what my internship would need of me. I took a look in the mirror one day and knew that I needed more for myself and my sanity.

So here I am, taking that first step. Moving is forcing me to continuously analyze my decisions and what I truly want, not just in the moment but also in life. The next step? I'm not sure yet. Likely, it will be to branch out and do more things that make me happy. I want to focus on building new relationships instead of trying to salvage past ones. I want to make more memories in my final year in Orlando and finish discovering what truly makes the city remarkable. It has certainly taught me a lot of lessons and I know there are many more to come.

Cover Image Credit:

Erol Ahmed

Popular Right Now

Saying Goodbye To Freshman Year

"High School goes by fast, but college goes by even faster."
55877
views

“High School goes by fast, but college goes by even faster”, we’ve all heard it and probably all ignored it as well. I mean time is time. It moves at the same pace no matter what you’re doing right?

Nope.

High School is over, I’m now a freshman in college and it’s April. I’m sitting here in my dorm looking at all my clothes, and bins thinking, how in the hell will this all fit in my car again? It is crazy, I need to be thinking about all of this now because there is one month of my freshman year left, just one.

All I can keep thinking is how? Wasn’t it just last week that I moved into my cozy room at the end of the hall, or just yesterday that I ran home to two hundred beautiful new sisters? As much as it seems like yesterday, it wasn’t.

It was almost eight months ago that I stepped onto this campus as a freshman, now it is my last four weeks and they are jam-packed. From formal to finals I am in the home stretch of my first year of college. I just registered for my classes next semester, and can’t get it through my head that I will soon be a sophomore.

While walking around campus I still catch myself thinking, wow I am really here. I am a college student, at a school, I fall more in love with every day. So, how can I be a sophomore now when I feel like I just got here?

Yes, I still have three amazing years of college ahead of me, and I can’t wait to see what those years have in store in for me. But, I just can’t help but feel a little sad that I won’t be a freshman anymore. I won’t be the youngest in my sorority family, I won’t be coming back to a dorm every night.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am stoked to live in an apartment next year with my absolute best friends. And you definitely could have heard me saying “I am so over this whole dorm thing” once or twice this semester, but now I can’t help but see all the things I’ll miss.

Freshman year is just unique. You get this giant clean slate, a fresh start. And it is just waiting to see what you’ll do with it. It truly is a year of firsts. My first failure, the first time being on my own, my first time not knowing anyone in my classes. Yes, that can all be a lot to take on, I was terrified at the start of the school year. But before I knew it, I had a routine, I had friends, I had a life here.

And this life surpassed all my expectations. I have a home away from home. I have friends that I know will be my bridesmaids some day. I have experiences that I’ll never forget.

Now as I head back home for the summer I couldn’t be more excited to be with my friends there and my family. But, I also couldn’t be sadder to leave my friends here, even if it’s only for three months because they’ve become another kind of family.

Despite leaving freshman year behind, we have so many more memories to make whether it’s doing the Seminole chop in Doak, coordinating our Halloween costumes, or just chilling at the house. We’ve all come so far this year, and I can’t wait to see just how far we go. So bring it on Sophomore year, I’m ready for ya.

Cover Image Credit: Cameron Kira

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Your Feelings Are Not Invalid, It's OK To Not Be OK

I know that life can get really hard, but I promise it'll be okay.

544
views

Recently, I have had an extremely hard time with my level of happiness that I have in my life. I go through my days feeling overly exhausted by the drama and hardship around me. I have gone through the past few weeks really struggling with this stint of depression and anxiety that I have been fighting with through the course of my life. These past few weeks, I have had large issues with this feeling of not being good enough and feeling like the world around me is falling apart because of stress and drama and self-image issues happening around me. I was at a point where I found myself not being able to have a positive thought in my mind and it was feeling like the whole world was against me.

I hate feeling like this. I feel like my world is crashing down and I truly just want to feel better. I have come to the conclusion in my life that the world I find myself living in makes us feel like if you feel depressed or upset, you have an issue and you are not alright. Numerous times I have been told that I need to get over it or that my issues are just "first world issues" that do not matter. This has shown me that there is communication in our world that is not being discussed. Depression has become this thing that society looks at so commonly and we have become accustomed to the idea of people around us being depressed that it makes us numb to it. This has made people think of depression as something not as horrible as it truly is because "everyone" has it. Depression is something that is extremely detrimental to the person being affected by it.

My journey with depression and anxiety started at a young age. I would have anxiety attacks at random times because of untold issues that I was having with my father or issues with bullying. From that young age, I learned very quickly to put up an act when I was around people because I didn't want them to tell me that I needed to get over it or tell me that it was not an actual issue and I was just being dramatic. I kept my mouth shut and pretended that this black mass wasn't engulfing me into is and pulling me deeper and deeper into this whole that was full of self-deprecating thoughts and images. People in school with me and that went dancing with me couldn't tell at all. They thought that I was this nice, happy little girl and honestly, I couldn't be mean to anyone else because all of my efforts were being put into being mean to myself. But, as I said, I couldn't express this to anyone because I felt like this issue I was having was one that I shouldn't be having and that there was something wrong with me for feeling this way.

Here's the thing: it has taken me so long to realize it, but I have come to understand that it is okay not to be okay.

Going through my life with this overall and underlying sadness and self-image trouble does prevent me from doing some things, but it does not mean that I need to stop doing what I am. I do have this issue but it is alright for me to talk about it and there is nothing wrong with me for feeling the way I do because at this point in my life and in history, there are a lot of things I have to deal with that are not the greatest mentally. Understanding the issue and talking about it is the only way to improve my metal standing, however, and I feel like this right to talk about it should not feel like it is too taboo to actually have conversations about. The world around us though needs to listen and stop blowing off these issues like they are not important. I have experienced many times this idea of someone telling me that I complain too much after I talk to them about the struggles I have in my life and I am sick and tired of feeling as though my problems do not matter. Big or small, people react to hardships differently and this needs to be something that the world understands and listens to.

Related Content

Facebook Comments