You Move On, But What Comes Next?

You move on and begin to work on yourself. What happens next though? The times where you have moved on from someone, and you see them? Or the moments when you find someone new and start to feel again. It is terrifying, that is for sure. You are feeling emotions that you have already had, and those emotions eventually led to a broken heart. I always put the emphasis on "moving on", but I never understood the concept fully. It is rather easy to get over somebody if you try hard enough. The biggest obstacle is not fearing feelings. The idea and concept of love cannot scare you. You have to be willing to dive head first, although you can be cautious. But, you have to understand and accept that feelings can lead to hurting.

I never could accept that. I would be so cautious with my heart, that I forgot I had one. Feelings became a foreign concept to me. That romance was not an option, as it was tied to emotions. I would reference feelings to weakness. I built a wall so high, that no prince charming could ever climb. Then I thought very clearly. I understood that I was not looking for a prince charming, as I am not a princess. Rather, I was not looking at all. My best friend has always said, "things will come to you when you are not looking". He could not be more accurate.

I decided instead of looking for something after I had officially "moved on". That I would work on myself and truly learn to be happy with myself. It is incredibly cliche, but you can not be with someone else until you not only love. But, respect yourself as someone else should. I have seen people in my life going through the difference phases of this. At the end of the day, we all just want to be happy. That can be alone, with someone, family, friends, or even a pet (cat).

I woke up one day and decided that I didn't want to feel empty and hollow. I cleared the photos of the toxic people, who once held such power in my life. I donated the clothes that I used to wear that held such significant memories. I bought a new yoga mat and started to dedicate 30 minutes a day to myself. I began to count the steps I took on my phone, as somehow it could equate me walking away from the toxic thoughts. I truly opened myself up to new options, no matter what they were. That came in the form of simple things such as eating more greens and changing my reading routine. Others came in forms of new friendships and promises of adventures.

I do not know what "moving on" means exactly. Rather I know what it means to me. It means taking a dark time in your life and trying to move past that. You not only work on yourself but the relationships around you. If there is something I have learned this year, it is that life is short. I did not want to look back and regret anything anymore. I want to say that I tried, even if I fail. I can always say that I put one foot in front of the other and pushed myself to go on with a new day.

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