Last weekend was Mother’s Day and for most people it is a time to celebrate the woman who raised you, no matter how young or old. If you can’t physically be there, you shoot her a “Happy Mother’s Day. I love you” text or a card in the mail just to make sure she knows you’re thinking about her. If you do get the chance to be spend the day with her, you go to brunch or a movie or wherever she wants to go because it’s her day.

Some people aren’t so lucky. They don’t have a mom to spend the day with. They’re stuck with the reminder of what once was or what has never been. I joined that club after my mom died in a car accident when I was 16. My dad and his fiancé joined the club this year at age 50 after their moms died.

To be honest, it’s hard. Mother’s Day is yet another reminder that my mom is gone and I’ll never be able to spend another day with her. Not even the day dedicated to her. All I have is the memories of her to keep me going. It’s what I hold on to when days like this one come around and I feel the hole she left behind.

Over the past four years, I’ve learned that I’m not the only one with loss. There are many people out there who spend Mother’s Day without the comfort of their mom. This Mother’s Day, I found an event in Tallahassee called Daughters Without Mothers Tea. It took place the Friday before Mother’s Day but you had to RSVP by Thursday. I didn’t come across it until about an hour beforehand so I was out of luck. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

Every year I try to do something to honor her: on Mother’s Day, her birthday, her death day. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I shouldn’t be honoring her just on the days that relate to her but I should be living every day in her name. I should live by the lessons she taught me during those 16 years that I had her. No, 16 years is not enough time but some people don’t even get that much and honestly, no amount of time is ever enough.

Rather than dwelling on what you don’t have, it’s better to remember what you did and what you still do. Even for those who are fortunate enough to have their mom by their side, Mother’s Day shouldn’t be the only day that you show your appreciation. You should constantly be reminding your mom how much you love and value her. You never know when she’ll no longer be around so you have to make the most of the time you have.

For those of us who no longer have time, it’s all about finding ways to celebrate, maintaining an old tradition or starting a new one. Mother’s Day shouldn’t be a day filled with sadness for what is lost but a day full of remembrance. It looks different for everyone. For me it means writing letters, visiting her parent’s grave since she doesn’t have one, bowling, looking through old photos and simply enjoying nature. I hope everyone who is motherless finds a way to celebrate on Mother’s Day.