For my entire life, I’ve been a very goal oriented person. My goals have never been small though and they actually have always been more like dreams. When I was nine, I was dead set on going to the Olympics for figure skating in 2014. Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen.
I’ve always been a dreamer with lofty goals and I’ve always worked my hardest to make my dreams come true.
But sometimes it feels like my dreams make up who I am as a person and I wonder if that’s all I’ll ever be: a dreamer. And I wonder what happens when my dreams change. Am I still me?
I remember having my first existential crisis about my dreams when I was in seventh grade and decided to stop competitive figure skating. For a little while, I didn’t know who I was anymore without my dreams. But now, 10 years later, I hardly ever think about my abandoned dream of competing in the 2014 winter games. It’s not who I am. I found a new dream.
So now, as I’m about to graduate from college, I’m noticing that my dreams are changing again. However, it’s terrifying to open myself up to the possibility of a new dream. But sometimes I wonder if I’m only pursuing things because the little girl inside me wanted them a long time ago.
Right now, I’m finding it challenging to tell what my dream is at the moment, and that makes me uneasy because I’ve always had one. Despite all this, I know that I am still me regardless of my dreams.
My dreams are a part of me, yes, but they are not the only part of me.