On July 20, 2017, I was sitting on the beach with my family, soaking up one of my last days of vacation. I went to the beach pretty early in the day and aside from changing the song on Spotify, I hadn't spent too much time on my phone.

I was looking forward to the upcoming week, I had a few concerts I was going to and also getting ready for school to start. Shortly before packing up my beach chair and umbrella I got a call from my boyfriend. He said, "Hey, it doesn't look like we'll be going to that Linkin Park concert next week." I was really confused, assuming something else came up.

I asked why and he said, "Chester committed suicide, they found him this morning." The phone call ended pretty soon after that and I walked back to our condo. The pool was empty so I laid on a pool float and started playing Linkin Park trying to figure out the news I was just told.

I had been listening to Linkin Park for a few weeks trying to learn the new album and relistening to all of the old albums. Just overall getting pumped for their upcoming shows. My boyfriend and I were planning to see them on July 30th and I was going to surprise my mom with tickets for their August 2nd show. Linkin Park was such a huge part of growing up for me.

Throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school I had relied on their music to get me through those angsty teenage years. The song "Crawling" used to be my ringtone in high school and to this day hearing that song takes me back to answering my old flip phone.

It's been 3 months since his death and I still can't seem to come to terms with it. I never thought the death of someone I never knew would affect me in such a huge way. I found myself rewatching music videos, interviews, and old concerts just to find a way to feel better about it. I listened to nothing but Linkin Park for weeks. I couldn't find the words to explain how I felt about it.

Their new album got so much hate because it didn't have a classic Linkin park sound. I fell in love with it and it has helped me heal from this. This album speaks volumes to me. Linkin Park will never be the same without Chester, but we can't give up on him.

Even though he's not here, we can't give up on our boys or this album. Remembering that this was the last album he was a part of is both beautiful and heartbreaking. This album is a collection of the last songs he wrote and sang. The reasons behind these songs are what makes his death that much harder, but we wouldn't have loved Linkin Park all these years without Chester.

So this is for all of the Linkin Park fans who struggled just as much as I did. Who are still hurting because the voice that got us through so much is no longer here. I hope that because of his death people have sought out help for their depression and that maybe a few lives have been saved because of it. I hope that this album can change people the way it changed me and that Chester will continue to help people long after he's gone.

So who cares if one more light goes out? I do.