I never realized when we were talking about how money can buy happiness that you meant for it to buy you capsules and lines of happiness.

You were my best friend.

I thought you would give up on trying to find a smile in thin white lines and not having an appetite.

When I told you I was moving out because you brought him into our house,

I thought you would leave him.

You didn't.

I tried to help you get away from him.

I knew how he was ever since that one night we heard him yelling at you.

I asked you if you were okay and you said it was okay.

How can you go from having three jobs to not being able to hold onto just one job?

We used to be happy from just getting Starbucks and Auntie Anne's,

But how can you go from loving a sweet cinnamon pretzel and a sugar-filled frappucino

To green leaves that smell like skunks?

You became happy from whatever you could get your hands on,

You weren't actually happy.

You bought a temporary happiness.

Not the happiness you can get from waking up with the love of your life next to you.

Money can buy you temporary things,

Material things,

But not lifelong happiness.

Not the happiness you can get from spending time with friends,

Who actually just want to hang out and talk.

Money can buy happiness,

Like buying your boyfriend a customized Xbox controller because he broke his other one.

Money can make you happy by buying matching white shoes with your boyfriend.

These are things that can make you happy that money can buy.

I get happy from buying things for other people by putting a smile on their face,

But can you say the same?

You get the happiness from illegal things.

If your mom knew what you were doing,

She wouldn't just be mad,

She would be disappointed.

She would say you've hit rock bottom,

But you've been living on the rocks for a while.

You've become him, but you're probably worse,

At least he told people.

Everyone knew but he still came clean about it.

You won't even admit it to yourself,

So yes, money can buy things that give you temporary happiness,

But you will never be actually happy from breathing in snowflakes until your nose bleeds,

Getting first in line for a ride in xan-land sounds fun,

but what do you do when it comes to a screeching halt?

Suddenly you weren't the person I looked up to all my life.

I don't know you anymore.

I no longer have a big sissy.