If you're like me, you've grown up with your fair share of mother-daughter bickering. Quite frankly, my mom and I have butted heads on a large number of things. Whether she realized it or not, my mom had quite an impact on how I see myself, especially how I see my body. There have been good moments, when I would hear "Oh wow, Brittany! You look good!" But those moments are quite rare.
Our mothers are often the biggest influencers of how we see ourselves, and negative views from our mothers on our bodies can lead to negative views of ourselves.
On the upside, mothers who pour positive and uplifting, body-positive messages into their daughters usually have better relationships with their daughters and their daughters generally have a higher sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
1. Internal monlogue
While it's true that some people don't have a running internal monologue, many of us do. For those of us who do, oftentimes we tend to hear the voices that stick out to us the most. If we continuously hear messages of "Wow, you look good!" then our brains begin to form those positive opinions of ourselves—the same goes for constantly hearing negative messages, too.
2. How we shop
Yes, it's true, our mothers even influence how we shop/what our fashion tastes are. I know that for the longest time, I did not go clothes shopping unless I was with my mother, and this probably says a lot about the ways in which I'm able to dress for the body type I have.
3. What we eat (or don't)
It's true, our mother's opinions even influence the things that we do or do not eat. Sometimes when I reach for that candy bar in the back pantry cabinet, I can hear my mother say "Do you really need that?"
4. Negative body talk (of herself)
Have you ever heard your mom talk about her body in an unkind way? If so, chances are that's something you might have internalized and you might have even begun to talk about your body in unkind ways, too.
5. Comments on appearance vs. comments on personality traits
If you've grown up hearing, "You look so great!" or, "You look really nice today" instead of things like, "You're so kind," or "You're super helpful when you do this," you might have gotten the idea in your head that your appearance is tied to your value as a person. Let me tell you, your appearance has NO ties to your value as a person whatsoever. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness regardless of what you might look like.
6. Comments on other people's appearances
So, we all gossip about other people. That's a natural human thing. But, what I believe isn't natural is the need that some feel to make negative comments about total strangers. If you had a mom who did these things, that's a personality trait and a way of looking at not only the world but also yourself that you're going to have to change.
7. Comparisons to family members, friends, etc.
If you grew up with a mother who has influenced your body image in a not-so-ideal way, you've often been compared to other female members of your family, and honestly, that tends to stick with you for a while.
8. Feelings of inadequacy
Sometimes, given all of this negativity that some mothers bring along with them, oftentimes, daughters stuck in this situation feel like they just don't measure up. That's bull and that totally needs to change.
9. Swimsuit season anxiety
Needless to say, all of these opinions on your body can influence the bathing suit you do (or don't) pick out when swimsuit season comes along.
10. On the upside, if your mom pours an attitude of body positivity into you, she can become your best friend
I hope this list of ways in which our mothers can influence our body image has been helpful, and I also hope that if you're stuck in a less than ideal mother-daughter relationship, this article can lead to some healing of that relationship.
