Everyone knows that moms always have the most insightful and
cringe-worthy "unique" sayings. We've all heard Momma say something similar to these quotes, and I'm sure we have all rolled our eyes and weren't even afraid that our faces would get stuck like that.
1. Not my circus, not my monkey.
My mother’s creative way of saying “Not my problem.” I have added this little nugget of truth into my everyday vocabulary. My roommate and her boyfriend are fighting for the 28th time this week and it’s only Monday? Not my circus, not my monkey. My sister’s Tinder date ditches her because he’s a mortician and has to go pick up a dead body, and now she won’t stop complaining about it? Not my circus, not my monkey. My best friend locks herself out of her apartment and her spare key is two hours away? Not my circus, not my monkey.
2.There’s a time and a place for everything.
I first heard this saying when I got caught kissing my boyfriend on a seventh-grade field trip. Since that day, I have repeated these wise words in my head on many occasions. I contemplated strangling my brother when I realized he ate my last Honey Bun, but my extended family was at my house for Christmas. There’s a time and a place for everything. I tried to wear a rather skimpy dress to church, but realized it looked like I was about to hit up Club 231. There’s a time and a place for everything.
3. Nothing is open after midnight except legs and the E.R.
Any time I begged for my curfew to be any later than midnight, this was her response. I was honestly appalled the first time I heard this one. How do you know what’s open after midnight, Mom?
4. You would lose your head if it weren't on your shoulders.
I still hear this one from time to time. Cell phones, money, keys, important confidential documents, my dignity—you name it, I’ve lost it. I even lost my car one time. My mom always preached to me the importance of responsibility. I’m still working on that.
5. God takes care of His idiots.
My mom’s go-to quote every time I do something stupid and it ends up working out for me. I once forgot to pay for my classes, so they were all dropped, and I ended up with a better schedule than I had before when I registered again. What did my mother say? God takes care of His idiots.
6. You wouldn't even have underwear if I didn't buy it for you, so yes, I can tell you what to do.
When I was a brat who pitched a fit because I didn’t get the brand new iPhone I desperately needed, Mom made sure to put me in my place. When I was 18 and thought I held the key to my future (and my mom’s bank account), this phrase always seemed to find its way into my ungrateful little ears.
7. I'm not everybody else's Momma.
The answer I got every time I told her that so-and-so’s mom was okay with our plans (even if they were questionable). Looking back, I’m thankful that my mom was not like everyone else’s mom. Thank you, Mom, for every time you were tough on me and told me what I didn’t want to hear. I pray to God that when I look in the mirror, I will become a little more like you. I would not be the independent, witty, and strong woman that I am today without all of your guidance and sometimes crazy words of wisdom.