A Modern Love Story: Part Three

A Modern Love Story: Part Three

The heartfelt resolution of our heartwarming narrative.

Cathy and Dave’s story was far from over, however. Dave’s roommate, Carol, was pressing for Dave to be cremated and his remains buried in a military cemetery. However, Cathy knew that was against Dave’s wishes; multiple times before his death, he had outlined that he wanted to be buried in her family plot, alongside Cathy’s brother, where Cathy was to be buried as well; he wanted to be buried with his family. Carol wasn’t too keen on this idea. She flagrantly waved around the medical power of attorney which had been signed over the day before Dave entered the hospital. She claimed that an individual’s remains could not be divided up were they to be buried in a military cemetery. But that wasn’t all: Dave’s funeral in Minneapolis would not be held for another few weeks; Bob and Carol had a concert they wished to attend and that took precedence.

None of this sat right with Cathy. The domineering force with which Carol assured her that this is what Dave wanted; her putting a concert before her friend--none of it. Thus began a legal battle fighting for the cremains of Dave Jones. Cathy contacted a lawyer and did her own homework; Carol was mistaken in saying that all of Dave’s cremains were required for a burial in a military plot. She then told Cathy that she could have part of Dave’s cremains--but not until after his funeral in Minneapolis. Unable to talk any sense into Dave’s roommate, Cathy filed an injunction with all the necessary paperwork to bring Dave back home. All hell broke loose from that point forward.

Cathy received phone call after phone call with Carol on the other end spewing vicious insults and scorn.

“She told me ‘If I wanted half of Dave, that I could take him,’” said Cathy. “I just better hope she weren’t around to see it. I responded that Dave had never wanted a funeral in a military cemetery, that, before he died, he expressed how much he wanted to be buried by those who loved him. I told her that I’m doing what I think is right, otherwise I wouldn’t be digging my heels in so much. ‘Some Catholic you are,’ Carol replied and she hung up the phone.”

The weekend that Carol and Bob were out at their concert, Cathy made a quiet trek up to the Twin Cities alone. With all the required documentation in hand, she journeyed to the funeral home. Finally, half of Dave’s cremains were in her possession. She drove home listening to the songs they loved with the windows down, Dave riding shotgun.

Father Raphael conducted the service in the quaint Missouri Valley chapel. It was a rather simple one, little fuss but lots of love, just how Dave would have wanted it. The funeral was attended by Cathy, her children, and friends. Dave’s children, former lovers, and adoptive family had all been informed of his passing; all declined to attend.

After the memorial service, Cathy and her family drove from the church to the cemetery in her ruby red convertible, the top down, the wind blowing through their hair. She turned on the radio, blaring the music as she had done with Dave some several months prior and some 25 years earlier. On the radio, one of Dave’s favorite gospel songs was playing, one they had played at his funeral. It was called “Dear Younger Me;” it was a song centered on redemption. After the song came drew to an end, the station cut to a commercial break. Cathy turned the dial and the next station she landed was just beginning to play a song, stepping off with an upbeat rhythm and the strumming of an acoustic guitar, a melancholy tune that flooded back memories of video chats and nights spent under dimmed hospital lights: Brett Young’s “In Case You Didn’t Know.”

In case you didn't know
Baby I'm crazy 'bout ya
And I would be lyin' if I said
That I could live this life without ya
Even though I don't tell you all the time
You had my heart a long long time ago
In case you didn't know

In the back seat rode Cathy’s children, Danny and Piper. Teary eyed, Cathy turned around to face her daughter. Piper clutched Dave’s urn as he had once held her: in her lap, all-encompassed, safe, securing, and loving. Tears rolled down both of their cheeks. Before he had passed, Piper asked Dave for a sign that he would be there for her, watching over their little family. He delivered.

At the cemetery, Dave was given a proper military burial. Cathy and her family stood under the warming June sun, steady and erect, as the honor guard delivered a 21 gun salute. Cathy was handed her folded up flag; the Dave she had fought for, in life and in death, was lowered gently into the ground. He was buried surrounded by Cathy’s family; by his family.

“Ya know, the church and cemetery weren’t exactly bursting at the seams at Dave’s funeral,” said Cathy, “but he was remembered by the people who loved him the most. That’s what matters.”

Cathy Gore is still a happy, loving person. She’s continued dating; after all, she has a lot of love to give. But Dave does not stray very far from her mind. She used to listen to recordings and voicemails he had left her while they were together; however, one day, while at work, her phone died completely. She was unable to record the messages on another recording device and the lost messages were irretrievable.

“I miss the sound of his voice a lot,” said Cathy. “It was really hard for me to let go of those messages...now, when I want to hear him, it’s only in my memories. I could say I miss the way he used to look at me. But on this picture collage that I have hanging up on my sunroom, there are pictures of him giving me the look that I like. It just warms my heart.”

The caustic characters in this narrative still rear their heads on occasion; Dave’s roommates called Cathy asking for photos of Dave for the funeral up in Minneapolis. In the year that Dave had re-entered Cathy’s life, she had enough photos to fill a four by six collage, one that now sits in her sunroom. In the over ten years that Dave lived in Minneapolis with his roommates, they did not have a single photo of him. Dave’s son visited Cathy once, too. Dave had left a car in Cathy’s possession after his death, one that Dave’s son wanted. The car sat in Cathy’s driveway for a year. When he finally came around, there was not an ounce of empathy on his face. He kicked the tires a bit, circled the car a few times, and smiled; it was like Christmas morning for him.

“Is that all his life meant to you,’ I thought, ‘just a car?’” wondered Cathy. “Dave’s whole life, even after it, people were just there to take, take, take. I thought to myself, ‘It’s no wonder he developed cancer. It was just a physical manifestation of all the toxic people who had been in his life since the very beginning.’ All any of us really want in our journey here is to love and be loved and that was denied to him time and time and time again. For fifty years, he felt unloved and unwanted. And for his last one, he was with us.”

"Now, when I want to hear him, it’s only in my memories. I could say I miss the way he used to look at me. But on this picture collage that I have hanging up on my sunroom, there are pictures of him giving me the look that I like. It just warms my heart."

Dave is still remembered, in the photo collage, in the loving memories of Cathy and her children. He is still prayed for.“At church, we have All Souls’ Day in November,” said Cathy, “and the purpose of that service is to remember all the loved ones that have passed in the past year. Every family gets to carry up a candle in honor of their loved one, and of course we chose to honor Dave, and then everyone in our congregation prays for their immortal souls. Piper carried up the candle for our little family. I still struggle with the impact this had on the kids. But every time I saw people turn their backs on Dave, the more I wanted to embrace him as a part of our family. At the end of the day, I made the decision that sits well with me. There are far worse things in the world for my kids to see than love.”

Dave reentered Cathy’s life on June 3, 2016. He passed away on June 5, 2017. It was not a matter of the length of love, but of depth. In 367 days, he gained a family. In 367 days, he found God. In a year and two days, Dave Jones lived his whole life.

“Loving him was all-consuming,” said Cathy. “You know you love somebody when you put their needs ahead of your own and I think we have, Dave and I, a pretty unique love story, and I’m thankful that God saw fit to bring him back into my life and to use me in the capacity that He did, to be there for that man. Because I would ask Dave, ‘Do you feel loved? I want you to feel loved, because I have it for you in every fiber of my being.’ And he always would reply, ‘Yes. Yes, my angel. You make me feel loved.’ And you can see it in the way he looked at me when I was taking his pictures or how he held my hand. It was the most profound relationship, and it was only a year. But wow. What an impact it made. For both of us.”

Cathy grew up as a devout Catholic, and, while a journey like this may cause someone to turn their back on God, it strengthened her connection. She sees the experience as a life lesson; she felt the whole journey has helped her to find love again, to experience a kind of love she thought she forgot about. And how could she turn against God after a love like that? Daily, she talked to God and to Dave.

“I have never prayed for a person the way I have for Dave. I prayed everyday for a miracle,” Cathy said. “And every day, every day with him, it was.”

Cover Image Credit: Cathy Gore

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6 Signs You Need To End Your Friendship

Subtle ways to tell if your friend is a narcissist

In your life, you will more likely than not run into people who do nothing but hurt you and bring you down. These people slowly become toxic to you, even if you don’t notice at first, and chances are they might be a narcissist. There comes a point where you will need to cut these individuals off for the betterment of yourself. If your friend does several of the things below, it might be time to reevaluate your friendship!

1. They are extremely self-centered

Everything this person does revolve around them. If it doesn’t help them out or make them look better they won’t bother with it.

Example: This person might come into your home/apartment to talk to your roommate and only acknowledge your presence when they want to brag about themselves to you, or only come over when they need something from you.

2. They feel like they are superior to you

Even if you have a better paying job or more fulfilling lifestyle, this person will always let you know that they are better than you. They are always in the right and will argue their point to the ground if need be. Because of this, often times they are quite condescending as well.

Example: Arguing with you on a topic that you clearly know more about and talking down to you in a demeaning tone.

3. They forever play the role of the victim

It doesn’t matter if they were actually the ones to cause trouble, these individuals will twist the story around and make sure everyone sees how “wounded” they are, convincing others that they are actually the victim. This person will consistently place the blame on other people.

Example: They might flirt hard-core with different guys in their room all night, but when their boyfriend breaks up with them it’s not because she blew him off for other guys, it’s because he was because he was being a jerk.

4. They are never there for you

Like mentioned earlier, if it doesn’t benefit them this person doesn’t care. If you need them or want to talk, they might leave you hanging. Emotional support will sound fake or not come from them at all.

Example: You might ask your “friend” to hang out only to find them blowing you off for no reason at all or for somebody else who is going to give them something in return for their time (party invites, food, popularity, etc). It isn’t uncommon for them to be deceiving about this and not often tell you their real reason for not wanting to see you.

5. They are two-faced

This individual can sometimes seem as sweet as can be upfront, but don’t tell them anything important, they might have a habit of using it against you. Trash talking you behind your back is also very common and to be expected.

Example: You tell this person something extremely personal and they turn around and immediately tell everyone they know, disregarding any promises made about secrecy.

6. They make you question yourself

Are they really a bad person, or are you just overreacting? Most of the time, these people know what they’re doing (either consciously or subconsciously) and use it as a tactic to manipulate you.

Example: Something you said with good intentions can be turned into an insult and that person may make you blame yourself for not saying the right thing.

If you go through this list and notice that you do every single one of these things to other people, then I hate to break it to you but you're probably a narcissist

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Ashley Williams from Pexels

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I Wish I Could Remember You More, Mom

I carry you with me; I carry you in my heart.

It has been fourteen years since I lost you, Mom.

Fourteen years since I have heard your voice, seen you smile, or told you I love you.

There are some days I wish I could remember more. I wish I could remember what music you listened to, your morning routine, or your touch. It would be so easy to remember if I could press rewind and replay those one more time.

I was eleven years old when you were taken from me, yet it doesn’t seem like I was that young. Sometimes I get so angry for not remembering the small things. I will never know what your biggest dreams were growing up, how you became so passionate about art, or what your favorite song was. I will always wonder what your favorite childhood memory was, what you loved to cook, or what your biggest adventure was.

It has always been the little things I want back.

I don't remember every detail about you, but I am blessed to say I remember enough.

Because what I do remember, is vivid enough.

While I complained and whined about going to swim practice, you still managed to attend all my practices and meets in pain, barely able to walk.

While you and dad broke the news to me, you fought back your tears.

And while I was in denial and ignored the pain, you conquered it full on.

I keep these memories close in my heart. These might not be the best moments, but they are some of the most powerful memories on replay.

Sometimes I feel guilty, Mom. I should have been more loving. I should have done more for you. I should have appreciated more. I was just a careless little girl. I'm so sorry.

The night before you past, Dad told me your time was coming soon. We weren't very strong, Mom. It was the first time I saw Dad cry.

He told me to say goodbye, but I didn't want to. I tried my best to get out of it. I told him it wouldn't happen.

Not today, not tomorrow, and not in three years.

That night I told you I loved you, you told me you loved me back.

I heard many voices the next morning. Grandma referred to you in past tense as "the youngest one." Right then and there, I knew my goodbye was real. I hid under my covers Mom, hiding as best as I could. I did everything to avoid walking through my closed bedroom door. I will never forger the reality that hit me when Dad walked through that door.

That night was the last night we spoke Mom, the last time I saw you alive.

While there is so much I wish I could remember, I will never regret nor forget the time I said I love you one last time.

I will never rewind and say this was something I should have done.

I hope one day we will meet again, Mom.

Until then, I carry you with me; I carry you in my heart.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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