The bus was packed. “So… I heard about the Aziz Ansari thing.”

“Oh my God. You’re not even ready.”

The whole time my friend explained it to me, I just kept thinking, No, I don’t want this to be real. Not him, too. When I got home that night, I read Grace’s story.

It made me nauseous. I didn’t want to believe it - I didn’t want to think that Aziz Ansari, a comedian I gushed about on the regular, high on the list of my celebrity crushes, was an entitled douchebag in the bedroom. But not believing it would mean not believing Grace. It would mean not believing the countless women who speak up about the shitty sexual experiences they’ve had.

And isn’t that one of the main pillars of rape culture? To not believe the victim because it would make things too complicated? I felt guilty for having the thought at all.

Soon after Grace’s story was published, this piece in The Guardian took it apart. Jill Filipovic writes, “We can – we must – wade into the messy, complicated nature of sex in a misogynist world. What a shame that opportunity was wholly missed with this breathless celebrity exposé.”

And that made me feel better - because Grace’s story was framed the way it was, there was a much larger focus on slandering Ansari than there was on the harsh reality that so many women can relate to the way Grace was feeling - pressured, forced, but unable to leave. The story didn’t have to be about Aziz Ansari. It could have been about any woman who comes to realize that, as Filipovic writes, sex is understood as “primarily about male pleasure.”

Considering the massive success and prevalence of the #MeToo movement, I think we need to be careful. This is our moment to speak out and be taken seriously. It might be satisfying to see the name and reputation of an abuser destroyed in the public sphere, but we have to remember that not every victim has the privilege of naming their abuser. They might be someone we live with or see every day or who has too much power over us and knows it.

You don’t need me to tell you that since Harvey Weinstein, the number of rape and sexual assault allegations made in Hollywood is seemingly infinite. It feels like every day I read about how yet another of my favorite actors is accused of rape by more than one person. And this is important - we need these stories.

We need to call it when we see it. But the this-celebrity-is-accused-of-sexual-assault story is getting old, and when stories get old, they lose steam. Yes, Aziz needed to be called out. But I don’t think another celebrity story like this one is what we need.

The problem is not that Aziz Ansari is a bad date. It’s that bad dates like the one Grace went on happen all the time, and babe.net isn’t going to be there for each one. This is not just a celebrity problem. We need to change the headline.