Losing someone is never easy. Regardless if the person you lost was close to you or not, memories become slip farther away and the idea of them becomes just a little bit foggy. I lost one of the most important people in my life a little over a year and a half ago. I lost someone who meant a lot, and she was my best friend, better half, and inspiration.

However, the point of this article is not to tell my story, but to talk about how it has effected me. People grieve in different ways. We all go though the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance can and will hit everyone at different times. I don't think, however, that they go in that order every single time. I think that even when you accept the loss of someone, you still grieve through anger, depression, and denial. I, personally, have had a small amount of bargaining compared to the other stages.

I've come to accept that my mom is no longer here, but that doesn't mean that my grieving is over. Being upset, and the whole grieving process will never just go away. I went through a lot since I had lost my mom and sometimes I still get angry about it. Just being honest. When I graduated high school, I envied others and wanted my mom to be there with me and supporting me on the side. I was angry that she died at such a young age and I couldn't have her there for any "big" moments. At that point, it had been only a mere seven or eight months since her passing.

Even today, I look at things I have done or am doing and want her to see that. I go through days and weeks where I am depressed with little motivation. I want her to see what I have been doing to better myself and my future but I know that it will never ever happen. I sometimes want to call her and I go back to the first stage which is denial. After accepting the loss of her, I still continue to have denial about it. I get angry when I realize that I can't call her. When people say that acceptance is the final stage-- I have to disagree. Acceptance is the final stage of the shock, but it is the first stage to moving on and living with the grief.

After a year and a half of living without my mom, I have learned to deal with it. When people ask about it, I no longer feel the sting I did when it first happened. Time can't do all the healing, that is a personal process. But I do believe that even though I have accepted it, I will never fully be done grieving. My mother was my best friend and losing someone as important to her still hurts me. A year and a half are a short time when I realize that I am only 19. My mom was someone that I could go to when I was down and someone I could talk to about anything. I've accepted her passing, but I will always be going through the "stages of grief."