I remember the times we laughed together. I remember your bright smile and the different specs of color in your eyes. I can still picture you thinking everything is funny and I can still feel the warmth in my heart when you used to hug me. I remember the day I met you, I instantly fell in love.
You made me feel proud. I was honored, there was nothing I wanted more than to just be able to give you everything. To have you in my life was one of the best gifts I had ever received. From now until forever you would always be there for me, and I would also always be there for you.
That was so I thought, so I had expected. Even when things changed and a distance set in, I tried so hard to still be there. Phone calls and Facetime, Amazon prime Christmas deliveries. I feared you'd forget my name, I was terrified that you'd no longer remember who I am.
In my head, I had so many happy thoughts and hopes for us stored. I had ideas of things to do, places to see, memories to be made. In my head, I was going to be the very best for you. Then at no fault of your own, I lost you. Without realizing it, I let my pride mean more to me than you.
I let anger and disappointment overpower and overcloud my judgment. Maybe in the situation, I was not wrong or right. Maybe in the situation, tensions were too high. All I know is, I can't change what happened, but I would do anything to have you back in my life.
I wouldn't have to remember that it's been 3 months, 1 week, and 1 day since I last saw you. I wouldn't have to be sad every time I saw something that reminded me of you. I wouldn't have to keep all your photos and videos on my phone, staring at them worried that I may never see you again.
I know it's a longshot, and I know you're not reading this, but I hope you know I love you. I would say I am sorry if I knew that would fix things, or if I was even given the time of day. I would apologize a thousand times over again if it meant having you back in my life.
I would let it all go, I would forgive and forget everything, as long as it meant I could see you. You are more important than all of the things that lead us here to this lonely place. I hope you know, that you did nothing wrong. I hope you understand that I never wanted this to happen.