Growing up, I wanted nothing more than for each and every one of my little siblings to disappear from my life. They were always getting the attention that I craved. Not to mention, they were always following me around and copying everything that I did! If I wanted to curl my hair in the morning before school, you had better believe that Chelsea or Taylor would be right behind me begging me to curl theirs, too.
If I was watching Youtube videos of "The Angry Grandpa Show", you had better believe that Isaiah or Blaine would be hovering over my shoulder trying to watch, too. The point is, each time I would angry at them for always wanting to be around me and do everything that I wanted to do I was completely taking my relationships with them for granted. I was too young and self-absorbed at the time to realize that that was what I was doing but now that I am about to be twenty years old I am able to look at the situation a little more accurately and appreciate the good parts of being a big sister to them.
For instance, I could always count on them to console me if I was ever upset or in any kind of trouble and I would do the same for them. I miss when we all a team like that. If one of us ever fell we would all come together in this powerful way. Even though we may have fought terribly most of the time, deep down we knew that at the end of the day we were each other's best friends.
In addition, those children taught me empathy like no one else ever could, It didn't matter if I was just screaming at them a minute ago if they had just broken something of mine, or whatever the case may be. When I had to watch them get yelled or be disciplined by my stepparents it broke my heart. In those moments I would have given anything for their tears to be gone and for me to be the one in trouble instead of them.
Moments like those are forever ingrained in my memory. But most importantly, being a big sister to those children taught me the meaning of true love and what it is like to miss someone every day so bad that you cry every time you think of them and it gets a little harder to breathe in and out. Unfortunately, this January will be three years that I have gone being unable to hold them and talk to them. I left the home when I was seventeen years old for various reasons that are irrelevant at the moment. However, I am thankful for all of the memories that I was able to make with them at the time and I know that there will come a day when I will be able to reunite with them and resume filling the best role ever as their big sister.