A mind of your own

Growing Up With A Mind Of Your Own Is A Blessing

Being a child who was strong willed and had a mind of her own was challenging but created a more interesting childhood.

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Kids who were known as the "problem child," "disrespectful," or " rebellious" are most likely kids who were just misunderstood. Being that kid, it was safe to say that I was always the family's black sheep because I was not like the other kids in my family. Not only was I the only child who had no father growing up and who lived in the ghetto and went to a predominantly black school, but I was also a child who thought differently.

I remember my mother always telling me bad things about my father growing up and because I had no recollection of seeing him until I was thirteen years old, most kids in my situation would have taken their mother's word on how the absent parent was. When it came to me, that was not the case. I resented my mom for a while because of the things she would say about him.

My thought process at the time was that I never saw the man so why does he have to be put into conversations and the problems my mom was facing when it came to her personal life and raising me?

Because of my mom's constant bashing towards my father and other people in our lives, I would often go against her ideas and beliefs. This had created a lot of strain within our relationship, even to this day.

For some reason, I developed a mentality where if I did not see things for myself I would not fully go with the idea that was presented to me not only by my family but even teachers and peers as well. Because of this not only was it hard to conform to the expectations of my family but it also had cost me friendships as well.

Having a mindset that was different from others was not only challenging but it was also very lonely. I remember my ex getting mad at me when I refused to believe certain things about his ex he has a child with. Although he had a bad relationship with her I realized that he also had faults. Part of having a mind of your own is also being real with the people you care about.

At the time I cared about my ex a lot and any time he had said something I did not agree with regarding his child's mother I would always point it out and in return would always get the silent treatment. I do this not because I was trying to side with the mother but it was because of the fact that I was able to see past his words and piece together the truth based on what I saw.

Having a mind of your own comes with good analytical skills. you are not a person who blindly submits to another person's ideas or beliefs. You have stronger intuitions and more independent in thinking. Although it can lead you to be indecisive about a lot of things it gives you the ability to see options with what you can do in certain aspects of your life that many people would not even know was there.

There were days where I wished that I could be able to be a follower like most people, but then as I had gotten older I learned that having a mind of your own makes you more aware of yourself and it keeps you away from feeling like a fool once you learned that an idea you refused to follow turns out to be wrong all along.

It also keeps the right people by your side and scares away weak-minded and toxic individuals. If you are someone who is strong-willed and has a mind of their own I encourage you to treasure it because at the end of the day no one can ever take that ability away from you.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Dear Anxiety, Thank You For Everything You Do And What You Make Me Do

My anxiety definitely isn't an easy thing to handle, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

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I've always been a worrier. As long as I can remember, I've spent hours upon hours overthinking even the simplest of things, like whether or not something I mentioned in passing twelve years ago could have upset someone. Even ask my mom, she'll tell you all about the times I used to worry about silly little things since I was able to really worry about things at all. Now, worrying about literally everything that crosses my mind may seem like a hassle, and it is, but I truly don't think I would be where I am today without it.

Anxiety is a bitch. There, I said it. Short and sweet. It sucks, in all honesty, and is one of the hardest things to overcome that I have ever experienced in my lifetime (Not that it's been all that long, but you get what I mean here, right?) I spend so much time worrying that I barely take the time to sit back and look at how much I have accomplished rather than how much I have left to do. For example, I have four assignments and exams standing between me and summer but am I focusing on how little that is to do? Nope. I am spending every waking hour panicking about when and how I'm going to finish that work when I know full well that I have more than enough time to do so.

Yes, my anxiety keeps me from seeing the positives sometimes, but it really does motivate me. I mean, why else would I be up at three in the morning writing a paper that's due in a week when I work at 7 a.m. and have more than enough time in the next week to do it? Thanks to anxiety, I'll be exhausted for the next 24 hours, but hey, that work that doesn't need to be done for a long time is done and I can sleep later. Or so I think right now. I'm sure some little assignment or task will pop up that I have to finish by June that I feel the need to cram for right now.

So I guess this is my thank you to my anxiety. Thanks for motivating me by causing daily breakdowns over dropping a bobby pin behind my mini fridge or a page long paper that I have to turn in in two months. Thank you for keeping me on my toes constantly and pushing me so hard that I somehow ended up so far ahead in my classes. Where would I be without you? Probably a lot calmer, but with piles of assignments to finish at an appropriate time.

Thanks for everything you do - and make me do.

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