My Military Diet Experiment

My Military Diet Experiment

Still unsure how I survived craving pizza and graham crackers.

As my family and many of my close friends know, I suffer from a stomach disorder known as GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disorder). While many people that suffer from this only experience mild acid reflux or indigestion, I have a more serious case. I take prescription medicine to control the acid production within my stomach along with taking serious lifestyle changes. I have had to take multiple food sources out of my diet, including red meats, dairy, sugary products, fatty, and greasy substances. Since having this disorder, I thought it would be beneficial to try what is known as the "Military Diet." Now, I don't eat much as it is throughout the day due to my disorder. Occasionally, I have gone days at a time without eating so I figured this would be a walk in the park.

While I had to add in some moderation due to my luck of a stomach, here is my take on this 3 day diet:

Day 1 Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice of toast, 2 tbs of peanut butter, 1 cup of tea.

Eating this much for breakfast is bigger than what I am used to, so my stomach wasn't too pleased. I chose tea instead of coffee as it's easier on my stomach and put less than 2 tbs of peanut butter on my toast. I noticed I felt more full leading up to my next meal. Usually, my breakfast consists of a piece of toast or a protein bar and two bottles of water.

Day 1 Lunch: 1/2 cup of tuna, 1 slice of toast, 1 cup of tea.

This time, I switched the generic tea for caffeine free. I noticed my stomach was a tad bloated; however, I'm sure for the average person this meal would feel close to nothing. Truthfully, I could go for some graham crackers and honey.

Day 1 Dinner: 3 ounces of meat, 1 cup of green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, 1 cup of vanilla ice cream.

For my meat, I decided to eat a turkey burger as I can't have many meat products and opted out of the ice cream as I can't have dairy either. I could have chosen to do a dairy free ice cream as those are now available (and definitely not as terrible as they sound!) Going to bed, I felt more full than I had in days which made me skeptical on how I would feel waking up.

Day 2 Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 slice of toast, 1/2 banana

My stomach was slightly queasy in the morning so I was skeptical to eat; however, I chose to keep the breakfast portion in tact for the day. I felt more energized the second I did, but I would've preferred my typical protein bar.

Day 2 Lunch: 1 cup of cottage cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, 5 saltine crackers

Let me begin my saying, cottage cheese HAS ZERO FLAVOR. If I had to describe how nothing tastes, I would use cottage cheese as the reference. This lunch isn't too far off from a typical lunch for me so I kept with it and added two bottles of water. Still thinking about the box of graham crackers in my pantry and my chocolate covered blueberries. *You can do this Jo*

Day 2 Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no bun). 1 cup of broccoli, 1/2 cup of carrots, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream.

By this time, I was definitely craving sweets. I decided to eat a full turkey burger instead of the hot dogs and went for the dairy free ice cream. Food was a little heavier and I had a rough time going to bed from feeling so full.

Day 3 Breakfast: 1 saltine crackers, 1 slice of cheddar cheese, 1 small apple

I actually woke up that morning feeling hungry, which is a rare feeling for me! I kept the breakfast how it said and added a bottle of water with a Crystal Light packet of raspberry flavoring.

Day 3 Lunch: 1 egg, 1 slice of toast

Okay, by now I was starving. Same lunch, just added in another water with a Crystal Light packet. All I could think about was avocado toast and a fruit salad.

Day 3 Dinner: 1 cup of tuna, 1/2 banana, 1 cup of vanilla ice cream

I definitely noticed that I felt much more full the day before than I did today. I chose the dairy free ice cream again and was surprisingly still hungry. I had a heavy debate about eating the whole pint that night.

Overall, I'm sure that for a typical person these three days must have been torture and endless cravings. I had a relatively decent time experimenting with the Military Diet and it's definitely something I would try again. I dropped a total of 6 pounds by the fourth morning. While I'm sure a good portion of it was water weight, I did feel slightly lighter and had less symptoms from my stomach disorder.

I am in no way recommending this diet to anyone and I believe everyone should consult with their doctor before trying such an extreme diet! It was a good experiment and I would give this life style commitment a 5/5! You're one tough cookie if you can beat this diet.

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A Savage Self Realization In The Valley Of Misguided

A Journey through a night of humiliation

Now, theres a certain aura of lifestyle you have to follow if you're hanging out on Ventura Boulevard. The one you pick up right away is probably realizing that every night is Saturday night. It's also quite easy to fall into that state of mind, so watch your ass. I knew at the moment of my intoxication, I wouldn't be going home that night...

Evening is coming up in Los Angeles now. 6:13 PM. I could see the city lighting up through the window of the airstream I was renting out... all the way up Laurel Canyon on Oxnard street. In four hours, it will the end of the line of busses going up and down the main road.

At this point of my life I began to question my future. What was I gonna do? How was I gonna pay the rent? That day I got the call that I was hired to work for a small, but impactful media company . That was the first time I ever felt responsible for myself. Along with this, was a rightful, well earned sense of independence. My dad was in England and my mom was moving to Vegas. This was the moment I knew I had to act like a man and think for myself.

An hour after I got the job, my friend Dillon called me to invite me out to a party. I was thinking of that night as a night for celebration for myself. He picked me up in a cab and we were off. The whole way there I was questioning whether getting fucked up the day before my first day of work was a good idea or not. It quickly slipped my mind.

We were somewhere in Studio City. We spent the night at the party where only 2 AM drunks and millennials showed up. It was amazing how quickly we made up our minds to go there because usually I hate those kind of things. My friend and I spent the hours chasing girls getting close to nowhere with them. At this point, the drugs are beginning to take hold of our souls. I remember saying something like; "Holy crap, I think I feel something... Maybe we should go home..." And suddenly I heard a terrifying car alarm roaring out of the driveway. Blinding me with its headlights, I was mistaking it for a monster of sorts. Someone quickly corrected me. When you're stoned its quite easy to get a feeling of embarrassment. I was feeling this effect immediately after this persons correction. I wanted to go home, But the night was still young.

Now for some reason, The owner of that car, a strong, tall, bully like figure got really pissed. Maybe I said something different than I thought. He came rushing at me with fire in his eyes. " Oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck." played on a loop in my head as this guy is about to destroy me. I wasn't panicking enough to let the motherfucker hit me. I did something I never did before. I was self aware enough to get out of the way of his direction. The dude ran into the window I was standing in front of. I couldn't imagine what kind of embarrassment this guy might of felt. He was the big man on campus. Needless to say, I got the hell out of there. 

My marijuana induced shame for myself proceeded to grow worse. Hiding around the corner, I light my second to last cigarette. When I realized this, I was more paranoid than ever. Dillon found me and brought me back to the backyard to flirt with the prettiest girls in the friend group we only just met. I made a fool of myself as I found myself tongue tied in another freak show of words.

When you're flirting with a valley girl or any girl in general, its very important you make it seem like your life is perfect. Nobody likes baggage. I of course wasn't aware nor cared about this unspoken rule, so at this point, I'm pretty cross faded and running my mouth like a rollercoaster. That poor girl.

As a white trash bohemian, I'm always trying to find a dream come true without embarrassing myself. So far that isn't seeming to work out. As a California native, theres a need to prove to myself I'm not an asshole because anyone who isn't from there assumes the worst. I wish I could of been from New York or England where my dad lives. Its a hard annoying live, but I will survive.

It's getting close to 3 AM now. Out of nowhere comes this very beautiful girl. She's funny and truthful. She reminds me of Audrey Hepburn in the sense that the moon river midnight compliments her smile in the most awesome way. She walked into that party rocking the high heels, looking like she owned the whole damn place. That smile I was talking about resembles the feeling you get when you can't fall asleep on Christmas eve. Trying to think of something to say, she walked up to me and introduced herself as I took a hit from some dudes vape. We talked for a while, and her mom picked her up an hour later. It seemed like there wasn't any more reason to stay. So I told Dillon its time to go home. 

We had to hitch a ride because Dillon ran out of money and the busses were no longer running. His car was in the shop.  Its moments like these where I wish the state of California would give me a drivers license. " Jesus Christ." I said in exhaustion. There was some dude in a Chrysler who looked like the human embodiment of Cheech and Chongs personality. " Get in!" He said. His glovebox was covered in stickers from Val Surf. It wasn't surprising his car smelled like Mary Jane. I immediately took a liking to him as we talked about hopes and dreams and all the other subjects that pop up in a  young souls mind. As we reached Magnolia, we approached a stoplight.The driver said " Someone's following us."We were being followed by the same guy who's car I apparently insulted. I could tell by his roaring engine, he was still pissed.

He continued to follow us down Laurel Canyon. He wanted to kill me. We thought we could lose him if we passed our destination and go towards Arleta. He was still following us. I used to live in Arleta and I knew my old house was condemned. We hid out there for about an hour and a half. I lit my last cigarette. Its almost 6 AM. I have to be at work in 4 hours. I haven't gotten any sleep yet. The asshole never found us.

We were dropped off at home at 7:03 in the morning. Before I went to bed, I had one last conversation with The guy who picked us up and dropped us off. He was a writer. He was from Arizona. He moved out to LA to follow his dream. He had been writing screenplays for about thirteen years with no success. He taught me before Hollywood chews you up and spits you right out, It'll make sure you're vegan and gluten free. But when thats no longer the latest craze, you're out of there. 

Mostly my whole life, I thought I wanted to be discovered. Be discovered so I can survive. But I realized in reality, I wanna discover. You know, some men would want a big house or a free trip to Vegas... My teenage angst will last me till I'm good and buried. To stay sane, I will always remain a kid at heart. Immaturity is key... No mature person has fun.

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Extravagant-Looking Meals 5 Ways

To feed the poor and hungry students of your university

I love holding dinner parties for my friends. I also love showing people what I have learned from years of watching my mother cook for groups of 5+ people. As a student, the price can get quite steep when cooking for other people. However, I have found a way to make celebrating with food cheap and easy, while still looking relatively extravagant. And I can assure you that if you're a student, your friends will be grateful for a home cooked meal!

1. Picnic in the park for $15

veggie batons - $2

Get together a bag of carrots and a cucumber and shop them into batons to dip into hummus

pasta salad - $4

My recipe is very easy: cold, cooked pasta, Italian dressing, and a chopped up tomato

grapes - $2

baguette - $2

hummus - $2

wine - $3

Trader Joe's sells Charles Shaw wine for $2.99 and it has become a staple in my house!

2. The Sunday Roast $20

roasted potatoes - $5

roasted vegetables and lentils - $5



sweet potato



rotisserie chicken - $7-8

Find one of these bad-boys at Ralphs (I'm vegetarian, so they are a god-send when cooking for my boyfriend)

salad - $3

3. Romantic Rendezvous $20

chocolate covered strawberries - $5

melting chocolate chips


spaghetti - $6


marinara sauce (preferably without garlic to save your breath for the late night!)

parmesan cheese

champagne or sparkling wine $6-12

4. Brunch $14

bagels - $2.50

cream cheese - $3

fruit salad - $4




canned pineapple

lime/lemon juice

orange juice - $2-3

scrambled eggs - $2

5. Comfort cooking $15

mashed potatoes - $5





spring onions

baked beans - $2

waffles/pancakes - $3/4 depending on brand/if you cook them yourself

bacon - $5

Cover Image Credit: Thrillist

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