I always felt like an outsider, not only among my friends but with my family too. I know the phrase of being the "black sheep" of the family, however, at some point I just felt like a different species of animal, not just a different color.
I wouldn't say I was a difficult child. I definitely had more meltdowns than my sisters and seemed to catch the title of being the rebellious kid. My impulsivity caused me to do things at the drop of hat, regardless of the rules. It was difficult because I don't even know why I would decide to go against my parents wishes and had no excuse for my terrible behavior.
Here's the kicker, I'm also the middle child. With the middle child comes "middle child syndrome," no it's not an actual syndrome so don't worry. So, I'm the middle child, one older sister and one younger sister, but as it turns out. I am also the only one with a diagnosis of ADHD among the three of us.
Growing up as a middle child it felt as if every decision was unfair from where I stood. My little sister was spoiled and babied and my older sister was given all the trust and responsibility. I felt like I was invisible or as if I didn't matter some days. It was like I was forgotten about.
I felt like the black sheep of my family, always getting into trouble, I was the short one, the blonde one, the one who didn't excel in school or join clubs and sports. It wasn't until my last year of middle school when I started to become involved with sports and began to feel noticed.
Then I got to high school. It was supposed to be a new start. I went into high school with a clean slate and a new addition to the cheerleading program. Things were looking up. But my ADHD was shining on through, my grades were slipping and people began to not only distance themselves from me but bully me as well.
High school was tough, my impulsivity and intense emotions that root into my ADHD made puberty, making friends, and school ten million times harder than someone who is "typical." I was excited to be included, to not feel like an outsider. Little did I know that my ADHD would separate me from everyone else.
Life is unfair. My mother always said those words to me. Most of the time I believed her, however, other times just felt like life was just not going to ever go in my favor. I had to cope with these feelings of loneliness. I adjusted to how my life was going. I grew used to the idea of having a small circle of friends.
Life will always be unfair. But you can either get back up and fight or you can stay down and accept defeat. I decided to get back up. That's what I always encourage others to do. Whether something inside is holding you back or it's others around you. Don't get stuck in the middle. Just get up and finish the fight.
Sincerely,
Another ADHD Student