When I was in sixth grade, a boy put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye, and said, “Eighty-five percent of rape begins at the shoulder.” And—because I was a 12-year-old girl because I went to a Catholic school because I grew up in a fairly conservative, sheltered environment—I laughed. Not because what he said was funny, but because he was cute and I was young and I honestly wasn’t even sure what the word “rape” meant.

As I grew, the concept of sexual assault became a more relevant part of my life, an inescapable evil. I sat with boys in the basements of their homes, playing video games where they shouted, “Dude, I totally raped you!” A term of dominance, a term of victory.

In high school, I was told I couldn’t wear leggings to class because they were revealing and would distract my male classmates.

I rarely walk alone to my car at night, but when I do I always clutch my keys in my hand.

My friends and I are constantly catcalled on the streets, and the only response we know is to keep our heads down and walk faster.

With the recent allegations of sexual misconduct and assault in Hollywood arising, thousands of stories of sexual harassment and assault have surfaced. On Twitter, the hashtag, #metoo, was created to give women a platform to share their experiences of sexual harassment and assault. And it is everywhere.

It is in the workplace and the streets and the government and universities. Countless women, some who have been holding in their stories for decades, have spoken out and shared their accounts. Often, it is due to an abuse of power. The victim is shamed or forced into silence.

And too often excuses are made. People ask what the victim was wearing or if they were drinking.

I want to live in a society where the victim is not blamed for the perpetrator’s actions. I want to stop hearing excuses and start seeing consequences.

Because I am constantly told to be careful in college, to never accept an open container, to walk in groups at night. Society teaches us to avoid sexual assault instead of teaching us not to rape. Every human being, regardless of gender, should feel safe in a crowd, have control over their own bodies, work without the worry of harassment, and live their lives without fear of domination.