We all have this little idea in our head about how life is going to be after your best friend has a baby. Of course, you think their son or daughter is going to be your nephew or niece, and your friend might even think it too. You spend hours shopping for the baby. You're always asking for updates on the baby. You plan to always be in the baby's life. But what happens when the plans change? Suddenly you're left on the outside looking in.

So here's quick little background story: my best friend was expecting a baby and of course I was over the moon excited for her and her now-fiancé. We planned to take cute bump pictures together, I spent forever in the baby section at every store I went to, she kept me posted on everything going on involving her pregnancy and her plans for after the baby arrived.

We were super close until a couple of months after her son was born. Now she did give birth 16 weeks early, which was really scary for everyone involved. But thankfully both of them were and still are healthy! Of course being her best friend I went to the hospital to see her and the baby the first two days they were there.

I went to the hospital every chance I got between work and school, but every day I wanted to know how not only the baby was doing but how she was doing as well. Now with being in school and having work, I was busy, and she was busy too. She had a baby to look after, because yes even in the NICU you NEED to be there to learn how to care for them in a more gentle way.

She had work as well and family and other friends who wanted to see the baby. Naturally, we stopped talking as much and it eventually dwindled into nothing. It sucked. It sucked not only losing a friend but losing nephew. I still miss and love them both a ton and with the baby's first birthday being this month I wanted to leave him a little message that hopefully, he'll see one day.

To the strongest baby boy I know,

We may not know each other now, or even ever, but I was supposed to be your Ti-Ti. I was there to see you before you were born. I got feel you before you were born. I got to see you when you were born and for the first couple of months after. I got to hold your tiny hand and feel your tiny head. Oh, and just so you know, I cried when I found out you were born.

Seeing you so small and so fragile was one the hardest things I've had to do. You were my nephew and I just wanted you to be healthy, I didn't want to see you in the NICU. I didn't want you to face the things you had to face. I didn't want you to have tubes and wires surrounding you. I was so scared for your future. I just wanted you home with your mommy and daddy. I wanted you to be smiling, laughing and surrounded by love.

You sure were surrounded by love. So many people came to see you, so many people prayed for you, and so many incredible doctors and nurses did everything they could so that you can be the big happy, healthy baby you are today.

I've watched you bravely overcome so many obstacles, that in the end have only made you stronger. I see through pictures how strong you are. You, a little yet big one-year-old baby, are who I look up to. If you can be that brave and that strong then I can be too. If you can overcome what seems like the impossible then I can too. If you can manage to always be smiling even when you had tubes and wires all around you, then I can manage to smile on my hardest days.

I wanted you to know how many people you make happy. I can see you make all your family happy and I'm 110% positive you made all those doctors and nurses happy. They're happy because of you and for you.

Baby boy, even though we don't know each other I want so much for you. I want you to accomplish all your dreams when you're older. I want you to continue to be the happy smiling boy that you are today. I want you to continue making people happy. I want you to grow into a handsome, loving man. I want the world for you, and believe me if I could give it to you I would. You deserve it.

I'll always love you and I'll always care about you, even if we never meet. After all I was your Ti-Ti for two months. But two months is better than not being your Ti-Ti at all.

XOXO Your Almost Ti-Ti