My depression is the single scariest thing that has ever occurred in my life. It took me several years after I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder at the age of 13 to understand that this might be something I will be dealing with for the rest of my existence. What does depression actually mean to me? I have heard people throw that word around: 'depressed.' To me, before a psychiatrist diagnosed me, that meant momentary sadness and frustration, not a diagnosable illness. I also was told that my mind had not fully formed as I was a young adolescent, so this might be something that would just pass. Today, at the age of 21, I understand it as an illness, just like any other illness, physical or mental.
A disease does not have to be physical or visible in order to be legitimate and life-threatening. That being said, a significant way to save lives in this area is to educate the general public about mental illness. In this way of destigmatization, mental illness can become more transparent and those afflicted with mood, behavioral, and anxiety disorders will feel more comfortable explaining and articulating their thoughts so that they can receive the necessary care.
Here are some facts: The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) says that suicide is the third leading cause of death of individuals between the ages of 10-24. In addition, among the 20.7 million adults who experienced a substance abuse disorder, 40.7 percent (8.4 million adults) had a co-occurring mental illness (Mental Health Facts).
The takeaway here is mental illness spawns other issues, such as substance abuse, if it goes untreated. Substance abuse often results from an unhealthy manner of coping with the mental illness. It is apparent, especially from first-hand experience, that mental health is not a hot topic in middle schools and high schools; one simply does not discuss with peers if they have a diagnosed (or undiagnosed) depression, anxiety, etc.
Furthermore, at any age, when someone asks you how you are doing or how you your day is going, the standard response is "I'm good, how are you?" How often do people respond: "Well, you know what, I'm not doing too well today?" My fear in these interactions was that either the other person did not care or I would be too much of a burden on the other person.
I have been going to individual and group therapy sessions intermittently since I was 15. it was at the age of 15, that I went to a residential treatment center in Utah for 10 months to work on my issues of self-harm, depression, thoughts of suicide, anxiety, and social anxiety. I think it is the most unnatural thing in this world to want to take your own life and this made me hate myself even more.
This was a point in my life that I did not think I was going to be going to a college or make it to college age, let alone attend a university such as Colgate. I struggled mightily through this program, but eventually made it back to my old high school for the end of junior year. What helped me at this point was my willingness to seek help and the willingness of my parents to support me in my struggles.
Yes, I do still consider myself depressed. But, the fact that I made it to the age of 21 is not a miracle. It is a reflection of the investment that others have made in my survival and the meaningful time I have spent trying to get rid of this horrible self-critic in my mind and this feeling of self-loathing.
I am forever indebted to people such as my mother and father who have stopped at nothing to ensure that I live another day, another month, another year. But they could only do so much. I was the one who had to be proactive in being candid, at times. At first, I did not want to rely on my parents and my therapists and psychiatrists to get me out of the depression. But then I understood that their love for me translated into being there for me in my times of suffering, my triggers.
Depression and anxiety, among many other mental illnesses, often goes unnoticed on college campuses and beyond. This is because the bearer of the disease is often afraid of becoming a burden to their friends and family, or he or she might disregard the severity of the illness, and it is often linked with weakness in an individual, especially in the case of males.
My point with this post is that getting the word out about one's depression or other mental illness, in the right way and using the proper forum, is always better than keeping it locked inside of you. If there is any glimmer of hope, any small thing you enjoy about life, or any person out there who cares about your survival, then life is worth living. To any human being, any of those three things should apply. If they do not, then you must consult with a therapist.
find a passion such as reading, running, working out, playing chess, dancing, among many others. Through these consultations with therapists and passion-seeking, one is more likely to find meaning in life. I am not a licensed psychiatrist or therapist, but the aforementioned tips have helped me understand who I am and who I have become, as well as find the right groups of people to spend time with.
Depression doesn't define you, just like cancer, AIDS, autism, among other illnesses and conditions, doesn't define you. It should not be a label. You are something else outside of your illness. You are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, agnostic, atheist ... American, Chinese, French ... a writer, athlete, student, lawyer ... a sister, brother, daughter, son, father, mother. There are so many ways to identify yourself. Mental illness may indeed mold you, as it has molded me in some regards, but a disease must not be an identifiable factor. This is a key to eliminating the stigma on mental illness.
Some resources:
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