If you don't know already, May is mental illness awareness month. Honestly, I didn't even know this until I went to my town's library and saw a sign about what mental illness is, how you can help yourself, and some books portraying teens and young adults in situations that anyone may find themselves in. I decided to pick up one of the books, since that I am a person that had (and sometimes continue to) struggle with mental illness.

I could only check out one of the books since I had an enormous fine on my account (thanks Diana, not returning the books I let you borrow on my account on time last summer), and I don't THINK the librarian was even supposed to let me check out that one book, but she was sweet and overrode the check out. Anyway, the book I checked out was "All The Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven, which tells the story of Theodore Finch, a boy in high school who was fascinated with the idea of death, and Violet Markey, a girl who had just lost her older sister in a car accident not too long ago, and how they both fell in love with each other.

As I was reading, I just so happened to be watching the second season of "13 Reasons Why" on, which tells the story of Hannah Baker, a high school girl who killed herself and left tapes behind for 13 people to listen to and understand why she did it. Season Two specifically focuses on the aftermath of her suicide and how it led those 13 people's lives to change as they're in the midst of a controversial trial. I finished both in two days, and I have a lot to say about both and how mental illness and suicide are portrayed in the media.

I'll start with Niven's novel. I'm a sucker for a good Young Adult romance novel, so while I was reading I was going crazy with loving emotions, but I neglected the fact that these characters with these mental illnesses were portrayed horribly. Even though I'm a huge advocate for mental health, I'm still aware that I don't know everything about it and it's because everyone's different. I only know my story and how I feel, and even if I explain it, I still need to be aware that other people won't necessarily understand it either. I say this because I don't want to speak for what the author had in mind for the characters.

Theodore Finch wasn't necessarily labeled as "suicidal" by others but he thought about death a lot. And though he didn't actually attempt anything, he was still very impetuous with his actions that could be a red flag with others. I'm not sure if Niven intended him to be suicidal (if you read the book you'll understand what I mean by this), but it's not my place to label him as so. Everyone believes mental illness is so black and white, but it's not at all. There are little nuances everywhere that make you rethink everything you might have thought about yourself, your childhood, your surroundings, and what you want for your future.

In that sense, I liked the way Theodore's mental illness was portrayed in this book. It showed that not everything was so cut and dry. Even Theodore didn't exactly know what was wrong with him, at the climax of the book. And that speaks volumes to so many of us out here. Do we not know how we feel because we're in denial? Or because we haven't had the right education? Or maybe because the human brain is so complex, we can even begin to fathom all of the illness that could possibly occur within our psyches? Even as someone who has suffered from my own psyche, I cannot even begin to understand why I did certain things I did when I was feeling a certain way.

But on the other hand, I couldn't help but feel like mental illness was romanticized in this novel. This is it of itself is hard, because don't we all romanticize it in some way or another? Don't we all want to be the victims of ourselves sometimes, and don't we all want to find people who give us a little bit of hope that maybe they understand us more than we understand ourselves? One of the greatest poets of all time, Sylvia Plath, was criticized, even after her suicide, that her poetry was romanticizing the idea of suicide and depression. We have so many metaphors for mental illness and we sometimes portray it to be a bigger part of ourselves that we love and cherish.

Some may argue that this is detrimental to others... If we continue with this tragic idea of thinking, we'll all be suffering in our own mental state. But I can't help but disagree to an extent. Maybe Niven, and Plath, and even myself in my own writings have romanticized this idea because it was like a security blanket for us. It was all we knew for so long and you can't help but feel like you're not yourself without your illness.

This in no way promotes the illness, but rather, it shows how dangerous it really is.

It shows how easily you can get caught up in your emotions and how much you forget that your friends, family, and REAL PEOPLE cannot be substituted for your mental illness.

Unfortunately, in "13 Reasons Why," Hannah didn't quite understand that. She felt as though what she was going through was too big a problem that could be fixed with talking about it. It was so big that she took her life.

I've seen a lot of talk on Twitter and even on the Odyssey about how "13 Reasons Why" is a terrible show for people because it's triggering and it shows mental illness in a bad light. They say that Hannah was whiny and that if she had just expressed her feelings, people would have been able to help her. And they don't like how apparently Clay's character is used as a "saving grace" for Hannah Baker.

To everyone who feels like this, I ask of you: What if it was your friend?

I remember there was this one day where some of my friends and I were talking about suicide and depression and all of them felt as though if someone were going through that, they would automatically tell someone to get help.

But the reality is, most of the time. mental illness and suicidal thoughts go unmentioned. Maybe it's because the person is scared they'll get judged, or they feel ashamed, or they feel as though no one can help them. Maybe they're in denial or they feel as though their problems aren't that big and it'll go away shortly (though they never do). Perhaps some people have the courage to seek help, but for many of people out there, that task is impossible to do. And you can tell people all you want that "you'll feel better if you tell" and "you don't need to be ashamed," but that will never compare to all the forces in their brain telling them all the reason why they shouldn't tell.

Do I think "13 Reasons Why" is a little graphic? Yes. I do think that it's triggering, and people should be cautious if they choose to watch. KEYWORD, CHOOSE. Nobody HAS to watch "13 Reasons Why." Especially if it's going to be extremely triggering to you. There are other great shows to watch out there. Like "The Office."

I definitely think we need to be careful about how things are portrayed in the media, but who's really going to regulate that? If you don't like a movie with a lot of blood, don't watch a Quentin Tarantino movie. If you don't like creepy things, don't watch a Tim Burton movie. If you don't want to watch or see something, don't. It's as simple as that. But also, it's about perception. Some directors put everything out there on the line so you can really feel the gravity of certain situations. The scene where Hannah is cutting herself in her tub will wake up someone up and say, "What can we do to prevent this from happening?" The parts in the book where Theodore and Violet are hanging out can wake someone up and say, "How can I help someone in need?"

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Maybe it's not that we need to watch how things are portrayed in the media. Maybe we need to realize that our brains only start to notice things when they make a huge impact on our lives. Just like we didn't start taking gun control seriously until so many kids started doing sit-ins and protesting about their rights to live. I urge everyone to continue to have lasting impacts that lead to a better world for all of us to live happily in.

Good stories aren't ones that shock or horrify you. They're ones that make you sit back and watch the black screen as the credits are rolling by and they help you ponder about how people go through things every single day and how you can help make it out alive, mentally, physically, and emotionally.