“Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean it isn’t real?”

Author J.K. Rowling once wrote these words in the final book of the Harry Potter series, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” For as long as I’ve struggled with my mental health, I’ve been drawn to this quote repeatedly. Those words have become a silent mantra for me on the days that are especially hard.

My battle with mental illness is one that I’ve fought quietly but diligently for a long time. Along the way I’ve encountered people, doctors even, who told me that it was all in my head, or that it wasn’t “that bad”. It made me feel crazy. I knew what I felt, I knew there was something wrong, and I fought relentlessly to prove that this was something tangible. I wanted to prove that it was real, that it wasn’t in my head.

After months of losing this fight, I came to a stunning realization: the depression, the anxiety is, in fact, in my head.

That’s what mental illness is. The very definition of the word mental is: “of or relating to the mind”. It starts in your head. But just because it’s not always easy for others to see, or because we aren’t able to express it out loud, in no way means that our feelings and our thoughts are any less valid. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t suffering, fighting, and doing our best to manage demons that are out of our control.

Mental illnesses are diseases that affect the way we think as well as the way we act. They’re the voices in our heads laughing at us, mocking us, and filling our brains with those unwanted thoughts. But they are real. Your mental illness is as real as getting the flu or being diagnosed with cancer.

Just because the symptoms are more psychological than physical, doesn’t make it any less existent.

For so long I’d used the phrases “in my head” and “made up” as synonyms. I’d been told that my depression was all in my head so many times in ways that made it seem like I was being accused of faking it. I began to automatically associate the idea of it being in my head with the idea that it wasn’t actually there.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Just because something is going on inside our head, it doesn’t make the experience any less real. If you know what is happening to you, if you know something is wrong, that makes it real. It doesn’t matter if no one else can see it.

There are too many instances where people who struggle with their mental health aren’t taken seriously or are seen as a joke. We get accused of being dramatic, told that we’re doing it for attention, and above all, we’re told that it’s all in our head. The next time you’re told by anyone that your mental health disorder is in your head, agree with them.

If you start to see the phrase “in your head” as something that isn’t negative, but rather as something that’s just simply a fact, it will be easier for you to have conversations about it without feeling like you’re crazy.

To those who have been accused of “faking it” or have been told “it’s just in your head”, your problems are real, your feelings are valid, and above all, you are not alone. Your mental health does not define you, but on the days that you feel like it does, remember that there are so many people going through the same things that you’re feeling. By leaning on one another and knowing that it’s okay to feel however we feel, we’ll be okay.