Mental Health is a tool. A tool every student on campus needs to be armed with. A tool that students need to carry in their backpacks when they go from class to class. They need it when they study. They need it when they are doing homework. They need it when they are exercising. They need it every day, seven days a week. But how do we arm students with this tool? How do we create this tool of mental health?
One year ago today, I was with a couple of students planning our annual Leadership event for Asian American Student Union. We had been talking about planning this event since the beginning of summer but we didn’t work on it at all. We only had 2 months until to plan this major event. However, all of us had no clue how to plan this event. None of us had ever planned an event this big. Never have we planned an event that felt this important to us. So as the weeks went by, we constantly fell behind deadlines and benchmarks. The person in charge of us was telling us that we needed to complete our work before the event date. At first, I did not care at all. I knew I was trying my best. But at the time, I couldn’t see that. I knew if I just stayed up all night planning the event, this event will work out well. I knew if I just email as many speakers as possible, at least one will respond. It is okay if I turn in my homework late, this is the first assignment of the semester. It is okay if I eat this family bag of Cheetos for dinner, it is one of my favorite and it is only for one time. It is okay if I tell my best friend he is a piece of shit if he won’t let me focus on my work. It is okay if I don’t shower today. It is okay if I don’t turn in this project. It is okay if I just stay in my bed all day. It is okay if I scream at my parents for calling me too often. It is okay that I lost my phone, my parents can buy me a new one. It is okay if I pushed this guy at the bar, because he stepped on my shoe. It is okay if my boss pulled me over and told me I need to make a decision whether to cancel FUEL or postpone it. It is okay that I postpone it.
It is not okay that I postponed it. It is not okay that I was mean to my parents. It is not okay that I shouted at my roommates. It is not okay that I am eating unwell. It is not okay that I skipped classes. It is not okay that I drink more than I should. It is not okay that I am hurting myself physically. It is not okay that I am disliking myself.
I did not come to this realization by myself. I had to go seek a therapist. I had to take medications. I had to visit my therapist twice a week. I had to cry maybe everyday, but that only happened after a couple of weeks after talking to my therapist. And of course, I began to watch what I ate after 2 months. Alright, I actually apologized to my parents 4 months later and said sorry to my roommates 6 months later. Oh yeah, I also said sorry to my boss for not doing my work. They told me that it is alright, and that this is the process of planning the events.
I was heading down a self-destructing path in which I was hurting those I love, and those I have fun with it. I was pushing those closest to me away. That is okay because once I was talking to my therapist, I felt better. I felt like I finally had someone who would listen to me no matter how rude or stupid I act. I was lucky that she made sure I was okay before I left each session. I was lucky that I received free counseling from the Counseling Center at University of Maryland. The Counseling Center was there when I needed it the most and when I felt embarrassed to talk about how I felt. The Counseling Center made feel happier about myself and to be in this University. I am proud to go to this University.
However I am not proud that the Counseling Center is underfunded and understaffed. I am not proud that a group of students have to form an organization to help alleviate this burden. I am not proud seeing students who are too ashamed to seek help. I am not proud seeing how this University frivolously spend money on useless programs. I am not proud seeing my friends in this University crying to me. If we are to expect students to work hard and achieve their best, how can we leave these students in the dust. We need to arm every student with the tools and skills to balance their mental health. This tool of mental health can help more students.