It's not a phase. It's not something I'll grow out of. It's not a mindset that I can be talked out of. It's an illness. A disease, really. It's something I have to battle with day in and day out. But I am not my depression. I am not my anxiety. I am not my eating disorder. I am not my schizophrenia. I am not my obsessive-compulsive disorder. I am not my bipolar disorder. I am not my mental illness.
I'd first like to start off by apologizing to all the people I've pushed away because of the things that run through my head, it's never been intentional. I'm sorry if I've ever cancelled plans last minute, or ever declined an invitation, or bailed on you with no explanation, it's never been on purpose. I'm sorry for the times where I've been hard to love, it's never been what I meant to do. I'm sorry for the hundreds of times I've shut down in front of you, it's never been how I wanted to spend my time with you. I'm sorry for what I have done but I will not apologize for my mental illness. I will not, nor will I ever, apologize or feel sorry for the person who I am, because no matter how difficult it is to be living like you're constantly drowning, I am proud of who I am and who I've become. I am a human being who will not be defined by my mental illness.
The illness that I live with is not who I am. It is a part of who I am, yes. But it is not all of me. I can laugh at the hundreds of things that I find to be funny and I can cry at the things that aren't so much. I wake up every morning and go to bed every night just as you do. I still care about and for the people I love and I will do everything in my power to make sure those people are safe and happy. I have feelings and thoughts just like the next person. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that they are the same feelings and thoughts, but they are similar. And that's because I am a human just like the person next to you and the person next to them. I deal with problems sometimes just like others do, but I am not my problems. I am not my mental illness.
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Talking about mental illness isn't anything to be embarrassed about or ashamed of either. It needs to be written about, taught, lectured, supported. Society shouldn't be afraid of those living with mental illnesses just because it's unknown to them. Unfortunately, because of this fear that our society thinks mental illness equals crazy, there is this dark clouded stigma over the umbrella of mental health. Mental illness is a flaw in chemistry, not character. We are all still as human as the people around us. Having a mental illness does not make me incapable of doing things, it just may make some things a little harder. But living with a mental illness has made me the capable and strong and compassionate and selfless person I am today.
End the stigma of mental illness.
