May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental health is a subject that is extremely important to me. There seems to be a general consensus that mental illness is a rarity, or that it only effects “crazy people”. This stigma is the main reason people don’t talk about their mental health problems.

It wasn’t until I opened up to my friends about my struggles with anxiety and depression that they told me that they deal with some of the same things. Each of us individually had felt alone and misunderstood until we started talking and sharing our experiences with one another.

Since then, it’s become easier for me to open up about my mental health and myself and the people around me are better because of it.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines demon as “a source or agent of evil, harm, distress, or ruin.”

Everyone in the world has their own demons, whether they’re related to mental health or not. The things that wake us in the middle of the night, or the things that prevent us from sleeping at all. The things that keep us trapped in our own heads. Things we don’t want to share with other people because we’re embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid.

My demons and I fought for a long time. For years I couldn’t even admit that they were there at all. My mental health suffered greatly because I refused to accept that I wasn’t okay.

On the bad days, my demons would whisper in my ears, telling me that I am worth nothing, telling me to disappear.

On the good days, when I managed to push aside my demons in favor of optimistic thinking, my demons whispered threats of pulling me back to bed, back to a mindset I didn’t want to be in.

We were engaged in daily battles. I always assumed that the only way I could achieve the all-encompassing, teeth-rotting happiness I desperately desired was to vanquish my demons permanently.

I wanted them gone. I wanted to be problem free. I wanted my emotional baggage shipped out on the next flight, never to be seen again.

It wasn’t until I realized that my personal demons are as much a part of me as all the things I like about myself, that I truly began to understand their purpose.

Our worries, our problems, our secret struggles, are part of the foundation that makes us who we are. Without these challenges, who knows what kind of people we would be. They are the reason we are strong in the face of adversity, our demons make us empathetic, caring, and cautious. As much as we loathe them, they make possible the parts of ourselves that we admire.

When we spend our days fighting exhausting, endless battles with our inner demons, we get nowhere. We kick and scream and sweat and tire ourselves against parts of us that we would not survive without.

I realized that in order for me to live the life I wanted, the life I deserve, I had to learn to coexist with the worries, with the demons, in my head.

Now, my demons and I dance instead of fight. We push and pull, give and take. It's a delicate set of memorized steps that help get me through the day. Every day is a choreographed dance between myself and the things that once crippled me.

Some days the dance is a waltz, I move slowly and elegantly so as not to disturb the quietness in my mind. Some days, it’s a tango. It’s quick and hard to follow, neither one of us ready to give up control. Those days tend to leave me spinning.

I’ve learned to balance the good and the bad, learned to accept that my mental illness has contributed to my life in both positive and negative ways.

Accepting my demons, acknowledging the strength I must possess in order to coexist with them, has given me more power and confidence than I ever imagined having.

This is not to say that you’ll never be rid of them, demons aren’t made to last forever. You will overcome them. Some, more quickly than others, but they are there for a reason.

You are stronger than your demons, and you are stronger because of them. With each new demon or problem or seemingly-impossible situation that presents itself to you, do not wish it away. Acknowledge it, and know that you can live your life in spite of it.