'Violence' is a word our society is all too comfortable with. Think about it, when we see violence in the news, it's as easy to talk about as the weather for the week. It is the norm now to hear about bad deeds going on in our world every day, forcing us to become increasingly desensitized to the subject matter. Even worse, when was the last time we stopped to think about the people who experience these events and the psychological effects of violence? Kyler Erickson, a recent graduate from UNO, gives a first-hand perspective of his past struggles with the mental disorder commonly diagnosed to those who experience horrendously traumatic events: PTSD.

O: If at any point you need to stop talking about the subject just let me know and we can stop, okay?

K: Alright, cool.

Okay, could you state you name, age, and the mental disorder we will be talking about?

I'm Kyler Erickson. I'm 23...I'm old.

Yeah you're older than I thought! [laughs]

[laughs] Don't judge, alright! Don't judge. And I will be talking about PTSD.

Can you briefly describe what the disorder is?

Yeah, it's common in a lot of war veterans when they come back from combat. They struggle from everything they heard and saw, so it was the same for me with the shooting at Millard South. Anytime a girl would scream it would trigger the shooting, and I would have hallucinations almost every night, so those were the two worst parts for me dealing with PTSD.

So what was your life like before you were diagnosed with PTSD?

I was really happy, actually. [I was] a lot of fun, outgoing, loved to meet and hang out with people, that's what I was kind of known for. Then when I first realized that I wasn't the same was when I was always in my room, wasn't eating much, wasn't going out with friends, I just didn't want to hang out with anybody, and that's when I kind of knew that I needed to get help. So during that time I was very quiet, lonely, depressed, it was a pretty dark time. So that's how I changed before and after, a completely different person.

And how old were you when you were diagnosed?

I was 19 I believe.

Can you describe the Millard South shooting that triggered your PTSD?

Yeah, we had a basketball game Tuesday night and I rolled my ankle pretty bad, and the next morning I was in the nurse's office icing it. In the office, the principal, the assistant principal, the nurse, and the secretaries are all in one little area. I was behind a wall which separated me from the rest of the office space, and one of our classmates – his name was Robert Butler, Jr. – came in and shot and killed our assistant principal, and then he shot our principal, but he ended up living. Then, the gunman drove a few streets down and shot and killed himself. When all that happened I was one wall away. I saw a lot of blood, I heard the worst screams. Worse than any movie could portray. So me being a few feet away from it and seeing and hearing things was what gave me PTSD.

So what was your initial reaction when you were first diagnosed?

It was pretty scary, actually. As you know, the stigma of mental health is seen as very weird, don't talk about it, don't get help, don't bring it up ever. And so for me it was really scary because I didn't want to lose my status or my popularity or my spot on the basketball team. I was very young, I didn't know what PTSD, mental health, or mental illness was. I was very scared and unaware, wasn't really sure what to expect.

When you first noticed that you were having symptoms of PTSD what exactly were you going through?

I lived in the dorms my first year so there were a bunch of girls running around screaming, and our assistant principle was a girl, and so hearing those screams was what triggered the worst part for me. I would curl up into a ball, I couldn't uncover my ears, I couldn't open my eyes, even if I was in public I would literally just sit down and cover my ears because I couldn't handle the sights and sounds coming back. And as far as the hallucinations go, they would happen at about the same time every night around 2 or 3 a.m., I would wake up and I would see the gunman standing above my bed pointing a gun at me, and there were several of him all around; that went on for about six months. Again, that was attributed to the stigma of mental health. I was so scared of telling anybody what was wrong with me, and that's why I didn't say anything.

Right. Do you still have any symptoms that you experience now?

I don't. You probably have some questions on therapy so I'll tackle it a bit now. The therapy I had is called EMDR which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and, to sum it up, it moves memories from the right side of my brain to the left. So all of my memories and recollections of the events are no longer attached to my emotions, the right side is [attached] and the left side isn't. I would go into this room where there were these lights coming from all different directions, and there was this little rectangle board and I would have to follow the figures with my eyes while telling my story, and that's how it moved everything from the right side of my brain to the left. The treatment I did was three months long, I went twice a week for an hour each session. One of the big upsides to the treatment is that you're completely healed once it's over. I know it sounds pretty crazy. The therapist that I went to, Debra Jones, she dealt with the Von Maur shooting, I know you might have been pretty young when that happened.

Yeah, my dad was involved in that when he was a cop, he was there.

Really? That's crazy. Yeah she dealt with a lot of those victims so she was very experienced with what she was doing. And then our athletic director from Millard South went to her before I did and he recommended her so that's kind of how that went down.

I guess we kind of already covered this, but when you had episodes or attacks how did you manage those symptoms?

Probably about the worst way possible, I kept it to myself. Like I said when I heard the screams I would curl up into a ball and hide for a few hours. But in terms of finding a solution, I really didn't. I try to tell my story a lot because I hope people get help unlike I did. I tell them to not do what I did, which was just hold it in and keep it to myself; it's about the worst thing you could do.

You already talked about your therapy, but did you have any medication that you took, too?

I did not. My therapist said I could, but I didn't have to. I just chose not to because I didn't want to become dependent on it. And everyone's different, I know people who have had medication and it's worked great, so I'm sure they both work. But personally I did not take any medication.

This is going to be a three-part question, so first, did your PTSD affect your friendships while you were going through it?

I didn't talk to or hang out with my friends as much; I spent time in my room way more than I should have just because I was so scared of what was going on, so I took myself away from social gatherings and big groups of people. We were all still friends, I just didn't see them as much as I normally did.

Do you think that when your friends found out that you had PTSD that it made those friendships stronger?

Yeah, it definitely did. And I think it's really human nature when someone's in need you help them. So what I heard from a lot of my friends was, "Man, I'm so sorry I had no idea. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you." And they had no idea because I hid it from them and tried to not let them know, so the fact that they know about it now and they still support me just speaks levels to how good of friends they are and how many good people really are in this area.

How was the relationship with your family affected?

They knew all the details, they knew what I was going through, my mom took me to therapy every session, my brother rode with me just to make sure I was never alone. They certainly supported me through everything. It cost a little bit of money too and they paid for it all, so I definitely wouldn't have gotten through it without my family.

What about your professional life, like work and basketball?

It definitely affected it. I really wasn't able to pay attention to practice or to games, and my diet was the worst part. I actually got kidney stones when I was really struggling with it because I wasn't drinking enough water, wasn't taking care of my body, so the PTSD took over my life. I was very unhealthy both physically and mentally; I was not the same person. It really affected basketball because my body wasn't right, my mind wasn't right, and you obviously need both of those to really be good at anything.

So what is life like for you now?

I know some people still talk to a counselor or go in for checkups. But thankfully I was completely healed after those three months [of treatment]. What I've been able to do now is go around to as many high schools and middle schools as I can and tell my story and do my best to impact them. What I hope for and what I try to tell them the most is these three things: they are loved, they are important, and they have a purpose. In my eyes the main reason some people commit suicide, have depression, anxiety, whatever it may be is because they don't feel important or they don't feel worthy of being on this earth, and what my message is that I just want to tell you how important you are and how much you are loved. If you ever find yourself in a bad situation you know that you have people you can depend on and you need to go get help instead of just holding it in. So I just spread the message of you are loved, you are important, if you need help please go and get it.

How do you think society treats people with PTSD?

PTSD I think is a little different, but as a whole, mental health is--I talk a lot about it being a poison. People don't want to touch it, they don't want to talk about it, they kind of stay away from it as much as they can. And that's the stigma I want to end by telling my story to as many people as I can. Recently, I think it's gotten a lot better. There has been a bunch of stuff on the news on mass shootings and it's really brings light to the importance of mental health, which I think has helped the stigma. People are more aware of the power it can have and the symptoms it can bring, but it can still be seen as shameful in a way, which is kind of the worst part. But I do think [the stigma] is getting a little better.

I agree with that. Have you ever felt discriminated against or looked poorly upon because of PTSD?

I wouldn't say discriminated against, but in some people's eyes it's seen as pretty weird. And I would agree it's different, for sure. No one has ever said anything really...I've had a few people say that I'm doing it to get attention and that I'm telling my story just to get famous. But I don't focus on that, and if they're saying that then I feel bad for whatever made them think that. But I think that would be the worst thing someone has said about it to me.

Since this has happened have you thought about moving on to motivational speaking as a career? Because it seems like you are moving in a really good direction already so it would be kind of dumb if you didn't keep going on this path.

Yeah! That is definitely the goal. I just graduated last week--I know old [laughter]-- but I just got another year to play basketball.

Yeah I saw that, congrats!

Thank you, thank you. So I'm going to have to go to school for another year, get my masters, at least. But because of NCAA rules I can't make any money doing this; I can't use my name or my image to make money. So right now I'm doing it all for free, which is fine and good, but after I'm done playing I definitely want to turn it into a career. I have two degrees in business and entrepreneurship and I tell people I never ever want to use them, just because I don't--I enjoy business, I know you need to make money, but I don't want to sit in a cubicle and kind of rot my life away. I know I have a story, I know people need to hear it, so if I can make enough money--which I'm confident I can--I will definitely be a speaker for my career.

Would you speak nationally or all over the world?

If I was big enough, I would speak to the world. It's kind of my end goal. For now, I have a few conferences lined up this summer and fall, but I'm going to be at school full time and playing basketball so there's not a whole lot of time I have in-between. But when there is time, I fill it with going to speak to schools. So yeah, right on.

Any message or words of advice you want to give?

Yeah, there's a lot I would like to say. First and foremost you're loved, you're important, and you have a purpose. What I fear most is kids growing up. There's so much that can go wrong in families like divorce, don't have parents, growing up in a foster home, whatever it may be so much in life can go wrong and can seem...what I want to say is there is a purpose for everything, there's a reason you're going through this pain. When the shooting was going on it was kind of like, "Why in the world would this all happen? How is anything good going to come from this?" Now that I see something good coming out of it by these kids being changed [by his story] that's the reason it all happened. What I tell a lot of people is that there is a purpose for your pain, it's not like you're going through some random events for no reason, I just don't believe in that. So that's one thing I try to talk a lot about. We get caught up-- if we were to fail a test, we think, "Oh, I'm worthless," but really your teacher who is giving you the test loves you and cares about you, it's not about the test. We focus on things that are bad, things that go wrong, really there's a lot more worth and there's a bigger picture here that we need to focus on, and I guess just finding the good in every bad situation. Dr. Vicki Kaspar was the assistant principle who died, her son was my chemistry teacher at Millard South. I emailed him before I was going to speak to a few hundred people and I asked him if there was anything he wanted to say for me to tell them, and he emailed me back and said, "From every bad situation comes something good." And for him to say that when he just lost his mom and being involved in that whole ordeal was pretty insane to me. That's a big part of what I try and say which is just to find something good from every bad thing that happens, and if you can do that then I think you'll be alright. And the few people that say I'm doing this just for attention I'm just not worried about what they say, I don't care what they say at all. It's important who you hang around, who you listen to. There's a quote that says, "You're an average of the five people you hang around most," and I think that's pretty true, because you kind of become who you're around. So just surround yourself around people who are positive and love you and want the best for you and life will take care of itself.

Trauma is difficult for anyone to experience, especially when the long-term effects can be extremely debilitating. I am exceedingly honored to have had the chance to talk with Kyler about his experience with PTSD. He is a prime example of making the absolute best out of a terrible situation, not letting struggles and hardships devour his whole being. His intense drive, perseverance, and genuine want to speak about his story to people of all walks of life I hold in great respect and now look up to him as one of my few role models, as I'm sure many others do who have heard his story. So thank you Kyler for allowing me the opportunity to interview you, and thank you for building the true grit it takes to speak out and give a voice to those who may feel trapped in their own mind. Mental illness is a subject matter that will never cease to be a major topic, regardless of the fact that people feel uncomfortable discussing it.

I hope these articles giving glimpses into three different mental disorders can begin to de-stigmatize mental health, and serve as a reminder that your struggles are not what define you. The people you surround yourself with, the choices you make, and your outlook on life are what make you you. Don't let hard times in your life lead you down a path of never-ending, "Woe is me." There is help for everyone, so long as you ask for it and are open to heal. Strength comes in numbers, whether it be friends or family, but you can't grow in strength without first building your own strength. Though there may not be any immediate good coming from a bad situation, just know that life tends to work itself out for the better, and having a solid network of people who love and support you can make an immense difference on how you view your life.