You set your alarm to get ready for work. Get up, you brush your teeth, eat breakfast, maybe get a workout in before work....sounds like a typical morning so far, right? Cool. Go in your car, drive to work, sit at your desk, do your 8-hour shift, go home..repeat the next morning..still sounds typical..right? Nothing out of the ordinary happened...maybe I had grabbed a coffee, had lunch with coworkers, went to a meeting, got confused on something like a project that you managed to figure out...maybe went to happy hour after...sounds like a normal, successful, productive day.

Now imagine all of this for someone who suffers from a mental illness every day trying to make a living and going to work like any other human. It intensifies much more, like 10 times more..for someone like me.

I set my alarm for 10 am as I start my shift at 4 pm. I tell myself that I am getting up early to be productive, work out, do a quick hobby, get homework done, then go to my 8-hour shift from four in the afternoon to midnight. My alarm goes off and I snooze it but only for 10 more minutes, which turns into another 10 minutes, then turns into 3 more hours because the anxiety kicks in and I just want to stay wrapped in my blanket.

It's now two in the afternoon and I barely got homework done, which means I will be up until three in the morning after my shift to finish homework. I got only a 20 minute work out in, which I guess is better than nothing. I try to look decent for work but roll up in leggings and the nicest hoodie I got.

I get in on time for my shift then run to the bathroom to take a breather when I haven't even started yet. Throughout the day, people try to pass along issues to me that occurred at work which I try to process but I can't because my anxiety is through the roof as always and I feel sadness that I can't pinpoint. I try to then focus on the conversations that are happening in the room and trying to be social without being "weird." Then I zone out of a conversation and have to either catch up or ask them to repeat the conversation again so I can understand, which 100% annoys more coworkers.

Halfway through the shift and I am already texting my therapist about my anxiety. I go to take a walk and sometimes end up in the bathroom crying. I don't want people noticing I cried so I say something got caught in my eye or rub my eyes with a wet paper towel as best as I can.

Some days get so awful when I need to step out of the room multiple times to ease my anxiety and thoughts. I call my parents to vent and hope I feel better. Usually it will work for five seconds.

Finally the shift is coming to a close, I almost made it. I sit in my car and breathe for a few moments before departing home but then I have to stop the car because the anxiety and thoughts kick in again and I want to be able to focus on the road. I go home and get on my comfortable shirt and crawl into bed, contemplating the sadness and anxiety I felt all day while wondering how my coworkers see me. Then the same thing will repeat most likely the next day for work.

I am lucky enough that some coworkers and supervisors understand the circumstances of my situation, but the stigma of having to deal with a mental illness at work is negative and individuals have a "leave it at home" mentality. This is why it is important for companies and businesses to look at best practices and interventions when checking in on employees and their well being. We are told to "suck it up" and plow through work which is unbearable at times. We need a boss to ask us "Are you okay and is there anything I can do to make work a little better for you today?' I am by no means saying use mental illness to do a crappy job at work. I am saying acknowledging that we are humans who have invisible disabilities in the workplace matter as well, and we need to take notice and action before a worker suffers internally till one's breaking point.

Be mindful and take care of yourself, whether at work or at home.