If you ask me how my sophomore year of high school was, I'd tell you it was hell. A nightmare -- a year full of being backstabbed and ridiculed for how I looked.
It all started in September of 2014 -- the first day of school. And being the quiet fifteen year old that I was, I got extremely nervous when it came time for my lunch period. But thankfully, I knew a few girls that let me sit with them, as well as my best friend at the time. A few weeks went on before I started noticing small things about the group of girls I was sitting with. Every time I would go up in the lunch line to get a snack, I would see them looking at me and laughing. I kept telling myself that it was all in my own mind, but I should have really listened to myself sooner.
Twitter was just starting to be a big thing in my grade at this time, so I took to that platform. I pulled out my phone and typed up something along the lines of, "I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, but please stop talking about me..." as a "subtweet". The definition of a subtweet is "a post that refers to a particular user without directly mentioning them, typically as a form of furtive mockery or criticism." Judge for yourself to see if my tweet fit along those lines. A few hours later, I was at my grandparent's house when my phone started to blow up with so many notifications from a friend of the girls bullying me constantly tweeting at me, saying I was talking about all of them behind their backs and bullying them. I remember not taking my eyes off my phone the entire time and trying to hold back an overflow of tears and anxiety while trying to enjoy a night out with my grandparents. I wanted so badly to message the girl doing this to apologize for whatever I did wrong and tell her that I didn't mean it. I guess this is why I apologize for every little thing to this day. That Monday, I was terrified to go into school, but I told myself that I needed to apologize to the girl who was really leading all of this. And I did just that, but that was just another thing for them to pick on me about.
Over the course of the next four months or so, the group of girls continued to bully me outside of lunch since I rightfully switched my lunch table. They would make comments behind my back and continue to make posts about me on social media. This all threw me into a deep, dark, spiraling hole of depression, anxiety disorders, and suicidal thoughts, which resulted into therapy and medication. This all made me even more insecure than I already was due to the girls who were making fun of me. I was absolutely terrified to walk into that damn school for TWO YEARS. These girls scared me for TWO WHOLE YEARS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE. How dare you take something that's supposed to be the best years of my life and throw it away like I am meaningless and trash. You had no right.
Fast forward to now. I am in my last year of high school and I'm happy. I have a few amazing friends that I couldn't see myself living my life without and new friends who I care so much about. I've received some of the best positions in my youth group, become the president of my school's Photography Club, and I'm looking at colleges, trying to start a new chapter in my life. A part of this new chapter in my life is becoming a therapist for teens that went through the same struggles and thoughts that I did. Though photography was and is still my passion, this is what I need to do and what I want to do. I would never wish what I went through onto anyone, but everything happens for a reason.
To the girls that bullied me: thank you. Thank you so much for making me the kind of person I am today -- the kind of person who is kind, thoughtful, and doesn't take shit from anyone.
BULLYING IS REAL! Especially in the high school setting. Think about what you say, how you say it, and who you're saying it to. You never know what someone is going through. Love each other, love yourself, and love everything. Spread positivity and friendship.