I don't think I can be loved. It sounds like the beginning of some sappy rom-com where the girl finds out in the end that she is indeed capable of love and that there are many people out there who love her. I'm not sure that's the case for me in all honesty. I am not sure that such things are applicable.
This is all deep stuff, perhaps stuff that belongs within the walls of a therapy room or with a professional, but I have always had a justification for my oversharing in that possibly there is someone out there who is feeling the same and we can comfort or better understand one another.
I think I've been problematic for a long time and liked to argue for a long time. I think that there is something in me that wants to tell people they're wrong. I fight more with men I think, but with the girls I've dated I have experienced similar things. I think something in me wants to teach and correct and make things that aren't a big deal a much bigger deal than they're supposed to be.
I like to scold and wear the pants in the relationships most times. Because of this, I often wonder if love is really for me. Maybe it really and truly isn't. Maybe I am not the kind of woman who gets fairy tales. Now maybe I'll get a CEO position or become the President, but true love is something that often misses people like me.
Cutting people off really isn't easy for me even though I try to make it seem like it is. It's something I've done quite a few times and unfortunately, I've been cut right off too before and I know how much that can hurt. I just think that people like me often times are picky even when we don't always have the place to be like that. Love is a whole lot of compromising and the number one thing I've always hoped women wouldn't do in their life is compromise and settle for something less than when there might be a perfect person out there for them.
Maybe I am forever waiting for a perfect person who just doesn't exist. Maybe my dream is just that. A dream. It's not reality, even though the movies and books I write, read, and watch tell me differently. I want to believe in a true love and maybe it's real. Maybe it's out there. But maybe just not for me.