I’m sure we have all seen the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou by now. Maybe this isn’t true for all of us but I would feel safe saying that when most of us hear the phrase domestic violence/abuse, we think about the physical kind. I know I did. I’ve always been the type of girl that knew I would mess a person up if they tried to hurt me physically. I never even thought about emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse isn’t something you see; it doesn’t leave visible evidence. Emotional abuse is sometimes even unnoticeable by the victim. My ex played mind games for nearly two years with me and I never even stopped and considered it emotional abuse. He wasn’t even with me at the time and still managed to play with my head. Told me how much he loved me but couldn’t be with me. It didn’t matter how many girls he dated or who they were, but if I tried to date he would sabotage it. I was his to mess with, nobody else’s.

I can never get those years back. I let a guy torture me and watch me spin out of control for his own amusement. We eventually got back together because I wasn’t paying attention. I thought I could change him. I thought I could love him enough that it would all change after we were together. The beginning was good too, or so I thought. In hindsight, I see the manipulation that was going on even then. I hardly ever hung out with my friends anymore because he didn’t get along with them, isolating me from the people who didn’t like him.

I tried to leave but he talked me into staying. He told me I would regret leaving him. I wouldn’t make it without him. He had made me completely dependent on him at that point. He helped me with everything because he had convinced me that I couldn’t handle it on my own. School work gave me anxiety because I didn’t know I could do it on my own. I was a straight A student before meeting him. I was in advanced math classes and was constantly pushed by my teachers to take honors classes. I was not a stupid person but this is how emotional abusers work. They control how you see yourself.

I didn’t leave, I stayed with him. I was terrified he was right. I wouldn’t make it without him. I wasn’t in love him anymore but he had control of everything. I didn’t know how I would make it on my own. I had dreams of packing my necessities and driving away. I would leave without any word. I felt anxious about everything. I had started to become OCD about the weirdest things. We insulted each other on a daily basis. I once had to list things I was good at and I asked for his help. He could only give me one thing and it was math. He couldn’t think of anything else. He thought that low of me.

By some miracle I found a reason to leave. I found out he was cheating. He tried to blame me for it. According to him, we were fighting a lot. As if there is any excuse that makes it okay. I left him a few days later. He tried to get me back. When that didn’t work, he tried bashing me and putting me down some more.

Even though the abuser was out of my life that didn’t mean the fight was over. I had to learn how to do things on my own. I had to learn how to do things for myself and not someone else. I had to learn to love myself as cheesy as that sounds. I hated myself for being so stupid. After all I had been through, I thought I was stronger than that. I was terrified that he was right, that I wouldn’t find someone better than him. However, I was more terrified that I would find someone better. I didn’t think I deserved better at that point. I figured either I or my history was too screwed up at this point. Emotional abuse leaves invisible scars. Sometimes I still struggle to hear my own voice in my head and not his.

We have to bring awareness to emotional abuse. Physical violence has gotten a lot of attention over the past few years, which is a great thing and I don't think we should stop fighting against it. However, we need to raise better awareness for emotional abuse as well. The hashtag campaign is a start but we can do more. There are too many people out there suffering from it because they aren't even aware that it is a problem.