His hands were rough with calluses, a blood blister throbbed on his pinky. He clutched the rope in his right hand, his hand covered in a glove. There were sweat stains on his T-shirt, ripped from his belt buckle hitting the saddle horn. After a shower and change of clothes, he rushed out the door and got in his pick-up. “I should have washed this thing,” he thought.

Another man, sitting next to a beautiful woman in a restaurant, grasped the wine glass in his right hand and her hand in the other. She felt his hands, soft and smooth. He worked a 14 hour day today in the office and didn’t have time to change—he wore a pink polo and tan slacks, his hair slicked back and his face cleanly shaven. He was a vegetarian and he enjoyed to golf.

Now, in some eyes, one of these men is more masculine than the other. Which is it?

There isn’t a right answer because the definition of masculinity isn’t static. It’s constantly changing and defined in social terms. According to Merriam-Webster, masculinity is “having qualities appropriate to or usually associated with a man.” Growing a beard, building muscle, and emotional unavailability are aspects that men feel are masculine. Being confident, tough, the protector, provider, and procreator are the "norms." All of these left many men that didn’t fulfill all of these, questioning their masculinity; they felt like a man but not "manly."

Guys that weren’t interested in playing fantasy football or violent video games felt left out. Lately, I’ve heard people say "men aren’t manly anymore, that it sucks for women that are looking for a good partner because men just aren’t what they used to be." I’ve heard this, in part, because I am one of these people that have said this. I may be one of the extremes, growing up in rodeo with dirt, horses, and cowboys; I’m a harsh judge of men in general and quite biased. Yet, I am not alone in this accusations and it got me thinking.

What makes a man a man? And why in some eyes, are men today not masculine? I think the problem isn’t men—it’s a complex answer, one that I want to avoid delving into because it toes the line of feminism. But I will ask, what do women want? That answer appeared to be easy in the early 1900s.

As an overgeneralization, women wanted a tall and handsome man to provide for them. A quiet, strong man that would take care of them. A man of chivalry. People say chivalry is dead today. And as uncomfortable as it may be, I think it is women’s fault. I can say this because I’m a woman and I have participated in the phenomena that inhibit men from portraying respect and chivalry.

I’m independent; I can change my own tire; I can buy my own drink—but do I have to? No. Do I make damn sure a man knows that? Yes. I’ve had the sass where it’s almost offensive when a man offers to do something for me. I’ve seen guys be chivalrous today, but they don’t get rewarded for it.

Some feminists say that women today are being raised to fear men—mainly their masculinity. The reason being, from a feminist view, that masculinity equals violence. As a result of this, every aspect of a man is being resented. Domestic violence is a problem, yet the link is not directly to the fact that men are stronger than women. Strength is not the only aspect of masculinity and in the physical sense, it may not be one at all anymore.

Many men do not know exactly what their role is. In an ideal world, stay at home dads won’t be criticized and men will be able to show their emotions. Some of these men believe masculinity is taught, an idea that may not be entirely off. Maybe it starts with how kids are raised these days—little girls are told they can be anything they want and boys are expected to toughen up and figure it out. According to the Psychology Today article, “The Big Stall,” “We’ve raised girls to conquer the world. But we haven’t told boys the same thing. The instructions for males have always been implied. Now they need to be explicit."

In regard to the attack that men are less manly today, I would argue that this statement is an uneducated conjecture in an attempt to project the uncomfortable shift the gender system is making. Women struggle inside the feminist movement, being told that masculinity equates violence and it is best to fear and abhor this manly aspect; men find their norms disrupted as defining what it means to be a man becomes more difficult.

The shift in these gender roles go hand-in-hand. Masculinity depends on femininity. The plurality of these creates complications, yet as free people, we desire these fluid lines that are becoming more and more blurred. Men and women have been defined in terms of each other; they go hand in hand.

Men have been described in terms of subordination of women. As women are resisting this patriarchal system of domination and subordination, men need to be seen and described in the terms of women today, not women of yesteryear. A counterpart to a hardworking, independent woman today could be a man who helps out in the kitchen and cleans the house, a man who jumps outside the norms just like women are. This is how gender equality will move forward, with a redefinition of masculinity.