Masculine Products For Manly Macho Men
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Politics and Activism

Masculine Products For Manly Macho Men

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Masculine Products For Manly Macho Men
Disney's Mulan

While gendered products have long existed for us ladies who clearly can’t hold a normally-sized pen (Those are so HEAVY!), use a simple razor that is any color but pink, or rarely complete any everyday task without a special pink tool, I much prefer the latest surge in gendered products: the super-macho man everyday object. Here are a few favorites you can buy to make sure everyone knows you’re not just a human going about your day--you’re a MAN™.

Sunscreen:

I was on an innocent little shopping trip one day when I found this everyday essential and decided to investigate this important topic further. Forget the pain and cancer-causing properties of sunburns; it's perfect for the real issue here: when you can't risk your skin turning that girly pink color.

Soft Drinks:

Because, according to ABC News, men are ”reluctant to drink diet drinks that don’t seem macho enough,” we now have a Dr. Pepper that is just for men. Don’t you dare touch that Dr. Pepper or Diet Dr. Pepper, guys—you’ll probably sprout female genitalia when it touches your lips.


*Please pause to watch this REAL commercial.

Toothpaste:

I wish I were photoshopping these for you. While we’re going down the rabbit hole of gender stereotypes, I must wonder why we would look to “manly” products for the best hygiene practices…

Dude Stick:

When regular Chapstick makes you feel insecure in your masculinity, throw it in a matte black package, charge more for it, and BOOM! Manliness restored. Displaying it with your knife and gun collection helps too, as the brand's advertising demonstrates.

Wine:


If you’re in college it will take you approximately .001 second to notice that this “Mangria” is Barefoot wine packaged with a pun and sold for twice the price. So if your boyfriend wants to join the fun on wine night, tell him he can’t just share with you—he needs to pay more to keep his MAN status!


Lastly, an honorable mention goes out to my favorite product of all time: the male genitalia you can buy and attach to your trailer hitch. Because nothing says, “I’m an adult who is mature and secure in my masculinity” like hanging massive metal balls from your truck.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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