Dear mirror,

I want to apologize for scowling at you, for giving you dirty looks. For all the side glances of disgust. For blatantly ignoring you on some days as I walk out the door.

You’re just being honest. You’re just being genuine. I never before thought that I would resent clarity so much, especially in a life that is often so ambiguous, but in this instance, I’ve never hated something more in my life.

I know that it’s not your fault for me feeling the way I do. That’s really what I’m apologizing for: for taking things out on you that you don't deserve.

It has taken me a while, but I’ve come to realize that the reason I’m so frustrated with you, is because I’m frustrated with myself.

Living my day to day life, I don't see how I look; I see only what is around me, not at all focusing on myself.

But the minute I look at you, everything changes. All my imperfections suddenly scream for attention: my frustrated acne swollen under my skin, my thighs that uncomfortably touch, my persistent love handles, the frizzy hair I desperately try to tame.

That’s what irritates me most about you, I’m sorry to say. Despite all of my efforts to conceal my imperfections, you effortlessly resurface them.

You bring out the worst in me, and the part that annoys me most, is you don't have to say a word. You leave me with my thoughts, to mull over my appearance, my choices, my life: I shame myself for having that second slice of pizza and that piece of cake for dessert, I feel guilt for skipping out on the gym and sleeping in instead.

You let me do the work in tearing apart every aspect of myself, and that’s what's most sickening to me.

What I’ve been told about relationships like this is to get out of them; to distance myself from people who bring me down. But obviously in this situation, doing something like that is much easier said than done.

I can’t just cut you out of my life, as much as I wish that I could.

What makes this so hard is realizing that if I hid you away, I would also be hiding from myself. As much as I hate to say it, If I didn't have you, mirror, I would continue to live the illusion that hurts me so much, the illusion I create in my head that doesn’t at all align with reality.

This is the epitome of a love-hate relationship if I ever did see one, but with a twist: you love me for who I am and I hate you for it. I hate the way that you evoke such negative feelings out of me each and every time I see my reflection.

But over the years, I realized that your whole plan was to make me stronger through my weaknesses. A diamond is just coal that did well under pressure, after all, and I’m sorry for taking so long to understand.

The negativity I unknowingly grew in my head drastically altered my perception of myself and without you, I wouldn't have come to that conclusion.

Mirror, you’ve taught me that all I needed was a dose of confidence and a helping of acceptance. All bodies are different. All are beautiful. None are comparable.

I appreciation your honesty and truth now more than ever. I’ve learned to look at myself in a new light, and I thank you.

I thank you for your persistence. I thank you for your silence. I thank you for not giving up.