Trigger warning: sexual assault, graphic depiction

This article is not from my own experience but is told by multiple young women who went and go through it. I hope you are all brave enough to share your story, because there are multiple women who can relate.

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Dear Invader,

I used to think my body was my body.

Well, not always. Of course, I was a part of my mother’s body, but the second I came out of her and came into this world, I was officially my own individual. I have my own relationship with my body, and certain special memories: the scabs I waited to heal from falling off my bike, the first time I got my ears pierced, the first day I got my period, the first time I tried alcohol, the first time I took a puff of marijuana, the first time I decided to get a tattoo, and the first time I decided to have sex. I've been through those memories with my body, and they’re important memories because they were decisions I made by myself.

I have another memory with my body, but this memory is different because this is the first something was done to my body that I did not decide for myself. The first time I felt as though the bond between my and body has been broken, because an individual just took control. You broke that bond when you decided that my body was now your property. You felt entitled to touch me without permission.

It was a night that I made the decision to consume alcohol in my body; however, not too much to the point that I would make a bad decision or not be aware of my surroundings. I was sleeping on your bed because you were a friend of mine and you gave me a place to stay. You offered me a safe place, and I accepted because I trusted you. You and I had a fun night out, and then you offered me clothes to sleep in and a blanket for me to be comfortable. I felt completely safe and was confident that I was going to a good night sleep. I dozed off in a peaceful sleep, to the point that I’m dreaming.

But then, something touching my body invades my peaceful dream. I am then half-asleep but awake enough to still feel what is going on. As I’m lying there, I feel my shorts be taken off. I put my shorts back on and doze off again. I start to dream a little bit, but then feel your fat, crusty, man fingers in my vagina. I instantly move away to face the opposite way, and you still choose to put your fingers back in my vagina. Just like that, you broke my comfort, peace with my sleep, and the relationship with my body. It only took a few minutes, but you already caused that much damage.

I asked you to let me sleep, but you still felt as though you had control over my body, so you continued to touch me. You were inside of me, while I was trying to sleep. You then moved your hand up and started rubbing your hand around my chest. You were someone I trusted. You didn’t even try to wake me up or ask me if it was okay. You did not have enough respect for me, and you felt as though you were able to just be in charge of my body.

Then and now, I feel as though I’m betrayed emotionally and physically, and I feel distant with my own body. Even though you caused the damage, I still feel as though I disappointed my own body because I let someone else have authority without permission. Only when I fully woke up and only when you knew I woke up, did you decide to stop. I left your house and you did not say a single word to me.

It has been two weeks now and I still feel as though I am a floating spirit instead of physically in my body. Even with this experience, I am hoping I am the only victim of your invasion.

Sincerely,

The Girl You Invaded