“Be a man.” It is a phrase that has become so common in conversation that the implications are normalized. It perpetuates the stereotypes of how a real man should talk, act and behave. There is no room for deviation because a step outside of the box of masculinity implies failure, embarrassment and openness to mockery.

Be a man is not the only common phrase that enforces male expectations. “Dude, just grow a pair” (as if one must affirm that they do indeed have balls which will magically boost their confidence). “Grown men don’t cry” (fun fact, at age 16, a boy’s tear ducts actually just disappear). “Toughen up” (never mind the fact that you are experiencing immense pain). “Don’t be a girl” (honestly, this is a compliment because females are strong as hell).

The overall theme is that men must follow this script that narrates the appropriate vocabulary, actions and feelings in everyday life. A script that is enforced by those who continue to expect these behaviors from males. It demands that a male must constantly prove his toughness to be accepted into the identity of “a man." These notions can trap males in a continuous competition between social expectations and personal desires.

What does it take to “be a man”? You must have a tough exterior that masks any emotions you could possibly be having. In fact, why don’t you just remove all of your emotions? You are also not allowed to have fears. Don’t smile too often but don’t be completely faceless. The connotations are crowded with countless contradictions that are impossible to satisfy.

A man does not have a universal definition. There is no right or wrong way to be a man. Society has adopted this conception that masculinity is defined by who can sleep with the most women, drink the most beer and deadlift the heaviest plates. A man’s greatest characteristic should not be defined by their ability to confine themselves to a stereotype.

But that is not to say there is something wrong with your ability to shotgun a beer in less than ten seconds or bench 350 pounds. These factors should not be downplayed, but they don’t need to be your defining traits. Yes, abs meet the societal definition of attraction, but have you ever had a meaningful conversation with a muscle…?

Weakness is not expressing who you are, even when it doesn’t coincide with the standard assumption. Honestly, that is strength. To break away from how others want to see takes incredible power and confidence. “A man” should be determined by however you want it to be. So yes, “be a man”, but only by redefining its confined categorization.